A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.
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A couple has been married for many years, and one day the man tells his wife that he wishes she had bigger breasts.
"But how am I going to get bigger breasts?" she asks.
"That’s simple." he says, "Just rub your breasts with toilet paper every day."
"And that would do it?" the surprised wife wonders.
"Well," answers the husband, "it sure did work on your behind!"
A man walks into his bedroom after work and is surprised to find his wife lying naked on the bed.
After careful examination, he spies a pair of bare feet sticking out from underneath the curtains.
He rips open the blinds to find a naked man standing there.
"Who the hell are you?" he yells.
The naked guy replies, "I'm the moth inspector."
"Oh, yeah? What are you doing naked?"
He looks down and exclaims, "Oh my God, I'm too late!"
Q: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
A: Because a woman who can't afford her own washing machine won't be able to support you.
A gay American was caught by his Filipino gay husband cheating.
The American husband asked, "how did you find out?"
The Filipino husband replied, "through my Western Union Receipts."
A couple celebrates their 30th anniversary by re-walking their first walk together.
They come to the fence against which they first made love.
The husband says, "Come on, for old time's sake."
The wife agrees and they both undress.
Afterwards, the husband says, "You're even better than you were 30 years ago."
His wife replies, "That fence wasn't electrified 30 years ago!"
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
A woman turns to her husband on their silver wedding anniversary and says, ‘Darling, will you still love me when my hair turns grey?’
Her husband replies, ‘Why not?
I stuck with you through the other six shades.’
The man was looking for a way, over and over, for his wife so she can drive more carefully and he found it;
"Darling, if an accident happens, the police will record your real age!"
A woman got married, but her husband was abusive.
She got remarried and that husband ran out on her.
She got married again and that husband failed in bed.
Finally, she put an ad in the paper: "Looking for a man who won't abuse me, won't leave me, and won't fail me in bed."
The next day, the doorbell rings.
There is a man with no arms and no legs.
"Hello, I saw your ad in the paper," he says.
"Tell me a little about you."
"Well, I have no arms, so I can't hit you.
I have no legs, so I can't run out on you," he replies.
"How do I know you're good in bed?" she asks.
He says, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"