Joke #4548

What’s the difference between cats and dogs? Dogs have owners, cats have staff.

In Noah’s ark, on day 3 the animals could no longer hold their sexual desire, so they started having sex with one another. But Noah got really angry cause the Ark started shaking dangerously and he decided that it was time to put things in order. So he ordered that every male should get a card stating the name of his wife and the days they were allowed to mate. So they did… After a couple of days, during breakfast in the Ark’s cafeteria the monkey said to his wife: "You’ d better get ready ‘cause next Tuesday you’ll suffer cruelly!" The female monkey felt really ashamed because all of the animals heard her husband… The day after, the male monkey said to his wife again: "You’ d better get ready ‘cause next Tuesday you’ll suffer cruelly!" The female monkey feeling really confused, told Noah what had happened, so Noah called the male monkey in his office and asked for an explanation. “You kinky monkey! Why do you insist on disgracing your wife in front of all the other animals?” said Noah “I am not kinky sir”, said the monkey “I’m just warning her because I lost my card at a poker game and now the elephant has it…”

Q: Where does a kangaroo go that can't hop? A: Hopspital.

"Did you hear about the farmer who lost control of his tractor in the cow pasture?" "No." "Did he hurt the cows?" "No, he just grazed them."

Why did the farmer fence in the bull? The farmer had too much of a steak in him to let him go!

What's an octopuses favourite latin saying? Squid pro quo.

What happened to the tiger who took a bath three times a day? After a week he was spotless.

What do you get when you cross a rabbit with strawberry soda? A berry bubbly bunny.

Q: What's gray on the inside and clear on the outside? A: An elephant in a plastic bag.

What’s the difference between goats and women?? Goats are always horney.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a tadpole and turned it into a frog, then he kicked it again and it died.