What’s the difference between cats and dogs?
Dogs have owners, cats have staff.
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Q: Why do beavers spend a fortune on the Internet?
A: They never want to log off.
Q: Why are dogs such bad dancers?
A: They have two left feet.
I was just told that my dog chased someone on a bicycle and bit him.
That's bullshit, my dog can't even ride a bicycle.
Q: What's the difference between Yo' Mama and a hippo?
A: One has a big mouth and a fat ass. The other lives in rivers in tropical countries.
An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.
What do you get if you cross a cow, a french fry, and a sofa?
A cowch potato.
If they made a movie starring the Loch Ness monster and the great white shark from Jaws, what would the movie be called?
Loch Jaws.
Chuck Norris eats black holes for breakfast.
They taste like chicken.
Vote:
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
a lickalotapus.
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died.
"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad.
Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."
Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"