Joke #4548

What’s the difference between cats and dogs? Dogs have owners, cats have staff.

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Hunting flies," He responded. "Oh, killing any?" She asked. "Yep, three males, two females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell? He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."

I applied for the position of a keeper at the zoo but turns out I was not koalafied.

Yo' Mama is so fat, when she went to KFC, she ordered the bucket of chicken on the roof.

What do you get if you cross a longhorn with a knight? Sir Loin.

A young lawyer was working on a farmer’s case, which asked compensation from the train company because one of they’re trains killed 24 pigs of his. At the High Court, wanting to make impression of the damage amount, the lawyer says: There were 24 pigs gentlemen! Twice as much than you!

An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician are on a train in Scotland. The astronomer looks out of the window, sees a black sheep standing in a field, and remarks, "How odd. Scottish sheep are black." "No, no, no!" says the physicist. "Only some Scottish sheep are black." The mathematician rolls his eyes at his companions' muddled thinking and says, "In Scotland, there is at least one field, containing at least one sheep, at least one side of which appears black from here."

Why are rabbits like calculators? They both multiply a lot.

How do you stop a skunk from smelling? You hold his nose!

"Why cant you play cards in the jungle?" "Because theres to many cheetahs."

Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day? A: Forget-me-nuts.