Joke #4548

What’s the difference between cats and dogs? Dogs have owners, cats have staff.
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal

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A man on a beach sees a shark near a child in the shallows. Ignoring personal safety, he dives in the water and, with his bare hands, kills the shark. He brings the tot to shore and is met with tumultuous applause from spectators. "Geez, mate" says a reporter "You should get a medal. What part of Australia are you from?" Modestly our hero says: "Actually I'm from England." The next days newspaper headline says "Pommy mongrel kills child's pet"
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has 69.73 % from 153 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, racist
What is a moo hoo for a cow fight? A cattle battle.
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: What do you call a chilly dog sitting on bunny? A: A Cold dog on a bun.
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has 17.55 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog
Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says; I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it." "Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?" "Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator. "Hm. Well, where do you catch 'em?" "Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp." "Same here. Hm. How do you catch 'em?" "Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite 'em, shake the shit out of 'em, and eat 'em!" "Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin' the shit out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but lips and a briefcase..."
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has 54.05 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: animal, kids, lawyer
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones are on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears are on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised by the collection, especially because it’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her. She turns to him…they kiss…then they rip each other’s clothes off and romp around the room all night. After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how’d I do?” The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”
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has 57.64 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, women
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?
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has 20.20 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal
What does a cow ride when his car is broken? A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, car
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender… "Pour me a stiff one – just had another fight with the little woman." "Oh yeah?" said Charlie "And how did this one end?" "When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees." "Really," said Charles, "now that's a switch! What did she say?" "She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'"
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has 82.48 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender, women
A man bought a dachshund for his six children so they’d have a dog they could all pet at once.
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has 17.55 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: animal
First Kangaroo: How do you tell the difference between an elephant and a rhinoceros? Second Kangaroo: The elephant has a better memory.
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has 49.61 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, elephant, memory