Joke #541

There are two types of ostriches - Grey and Blue. Grey ones scared hide their head in the sand. The Blue ones sit in the bushes waiting for this moment.
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has 25.67 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal

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A dog walks into a pub, and takes a seat. He says to the barman, "Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps please". The barman says, "Wow, that's amazing! You should join the circus!" The dog replies, "Why? Do they need electricians?"
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has 73.48 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: animal, bartender, dog
A waitress walks up to a man to take his order. "I'd like to get the turtle soup, please." The waitress walks off to go get his order, but the man changes his mind and decides he wants the pea soup instead. "Hold the turtle, make it pea!"
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What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a dog with no legs? You don't because it won't come.
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has 30.77 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, food
Cats took many thousands of years to domesticate humans.
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has 31.56 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: animal
On a famous TV game show a blonde contestant needed only to answer one more question. One simple question stood between her and the Ł1.000 prize. "To be today's champion," the show's host smiled, "name two of Santa's reindeer." The blonde gave a sigh of relief because she had been given such an easy question. "Rudolph!" she said confidently, "and... Olive!" The studio audience started to applaud (as the little sign above their heads said to do) but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied, "Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain... 'Olive?!'" "You know," the woman circled her hand forward impatiently and began to sing, "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. *Olive,* the other reindeer..."
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has 50.89 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, game, money, Santa
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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has 36.51 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal
A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a b*tch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued." The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you." He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?" The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"
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has 71.03 % from 187 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, dirty, gay
Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
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has 61.98 % from 288 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, dirty, masturbation
Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money. "I'm not paying," said the duck. "I've only got one bill and I'm not breaking it." "I've spent my last buck," said the deer. "Then the duck'll have to pay," said the skunk. "Getting here cost me my last scent."
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has 36.23 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, duck, money
What's a moo hoo for a cattle dinner? Cow chow.
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has 48.26 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, food