Joke #4588

Scientists have located the gene for alcoholism. They found it at a party, talking way too loudly.
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has 25.81 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: alcohol

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A man walks into a bar and orders a drink and some peanuts. While drinking, he hears funny voices, but thinks nothing of it. Again, he hears the funny voices and asks the barman what they are. The barman points to the peanuts and says, ‘Don’t worry about them. They are complimentary nuts.’
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has 24.26 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
After a heavy night at the pub, a drunken man decides to sleep off his drunkenness at a local hotel. He approaches the reception desk, takes care of the formalities and heads off to his suite. Several minutes later, the drunk staggers back to the reception desk and demands his room be changed. "But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel." "I insist on another room!!!" said the drunk. "Very good, sir. I'll change you from 502 to 525. Would you mind telling me why you don't like 502?" asked the clerk. "Well, for one thing," said the drunk, "it's on fire."
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has 32.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar
Q: What's all over a clean nose? A: Fingerprints.
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has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A bear walks into a pub, and takes a huge bite out of the bar. ‘Get out!’ shouts the barman. ‘We don’t serve druggies.’ ‘But I’m not a druggie,’ replies the puzzled bear. ‘Yeah? Then what about the bar bit you ate?’
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has 18.64 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he asks the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that one, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and asks the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all Night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The man replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."
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has 42.25 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, business, wife
Drinking a non-alcoholic beer is like muffing your sister, it tastes the same but something's not right about it.
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has 41.84 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, beer
He doesn’t like to drink. It’s just something to do while he gets drunk.
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has 34.78 % from 6 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Q: What do you call 24 sorority girls walking down the street? A: A case of Schlitz.
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has 24.26 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A man is in a bar and has one too many drinks. This beautiful lady sits down next to him. He turns to her and says "Hey how bout it. You and me, gettin it on. I've got a couple dollars and it looks like you could use a little money." She stands up and says, "What makes you think I charge by the inch."
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has 37.92 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, beauty, money, women
Edward walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches. "Can I help you, fella?", asks the cop. "Yesssh, ssshombody stol my car!" Edward replies. The cop asks, "Okay, where was your car the last time you saw it?". "It was at the end of this key", Edward replies. At this point the cop looks down to see that Edwards p*nis is hanging out of his trousers. The cop asks Edward , "Hey buddy, are you aware that you're exposing yourself? Edward looks down sadly and moans, "OHHH GOD...they got Julie too!"
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has 76.77 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, car, cop, god