Q:Where do you find giant snails?
A:On the ends of their fingers.
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How do you make a small fortune out of horses?
Start off with a large fortune!
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles.
This little snail bought a little car and took it to the body shop to have it painted.
The service man asked him exactly what he wanted done, and the snail said he wanted little's s painted all around and all over his car.
The service man asked him why, and the snail answered "When people see me in my car I want them to say, look at that S-Car-Go!"
Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
A: Laughing stock.
Why did the rabbit have trouble hopping?
Because he always kept one foot in his pocket for good luck.
Would a Police-Dog arrest itself for fouling the street?
Police Dog Joke Submitted by Kabogga.
Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.
First Bull: "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows."
Second Bull: "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows."
Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far, you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows, but I'm keeping all 10 of my cows."
Just then an 18-wheeler pulls up in the pasture carrying the biggest bull they've ever seen.
At 4,700 pounds, each step he takes strains the steel ramp.
First Bull: "I think I can spare a few cows for our new friend."
Second Bull: "I actually have too many cows to take care of. I can spare a few. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."
They look over at the third bull and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns and snorting.
First Bull: "Son, don't be foolish, let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."
Third Bull: "Hell, he can have all my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'm a bull."
Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days.
Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him.
"So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home.
"Great," Little Johnny replied.
"Did you and daddy have a good time?" asked his mother.
"Yeah, daddy really liked it too," exclaimed Little Johnny, "especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"
Vote:
A farmer brought his daughter a little pot-belly pet pig.
She called it "Stinky" when she played with it out in the yard, but she called it "Ballpoint" when it was in the sty.
"Tell me," asked her father, "Why do you have two names for your pig?"
"That’s easy," she replied, "Ballpoint is just his pen name."