Q:Where do you find giant snails?
A:On the ends of their fingers.
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
What happened to the tiger who took a bath three times a day?
After a week he was spotless.
Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot.
The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one.
The man asks, "How much is the yellow one?"
The assistant says, "$2000."
The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive.
The assistant explains, "This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast."
"What about the green one?" the man asks.
The assistant says, "He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes."
"What about the red one?" the man asks.
The assistant says, "That one's $10,000."
The man says, "What does HE do?"
The assistant says, "I don't know, but the other two call him boss."
I thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 20 minutes before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a pigeon.
Q: What's gray on the inside and clear on the outside?
A: An elephant in a plastic bag.
There is three kids sitting at the lunch table one day.
One kid ask what do you call a mixed baby?
One replies a zebra,another replies a mistake and the third one replies.
Rape
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
What is the definition of "moon"?
The past tense of "moo"!
Two neighbors are talking to each other.
First neighbor: Do you know that my dog is so smart, he waits for the newspaper to drop at the doorstep and then delivers it to me?
Second neighbor: Of course, I know that very well.
First neighbor: Really, well then, how?
Second neighbor: My dog came and told me.
There where two snakes talking.
The 1st one said 'Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they're dead?
Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisioned?'.
Then the second Snake says "Why do you ask?"
The 1st one replies: "I just bit my lip!"