Joke #4601

Getting money out of my father was like taking candy from a baby. He used to scream and cry like hell.

Terrorists take a group of lawyers hostage. They ask for a ransom of $20 million and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for.

What kind of money do polar bears use? Ice lolly.

"Dad, your Father's Day gift is another year of not having to pay for my wedding."

Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on her head? A: All you can eat under a buck.

After losing his fortune, a Texas oilman decided to spend his last twenty bucks at a whorehouse. He entered and promptly went up to the Madam and asked her what he could get for $20. The Madam gave him a lengthy stare and told him to go upstairs, last door on the left. He proceeded to march up the stairs and entered the room. To his shock and pleasure he saw a beautiful blonde waiting naked on the bed. So he tore off his clothes and jumped on and started pumping away for dear life. Upon orgasm he noticed that stuff started oozing out of her eyeballs. He runs down to the Madam to report this and she looks at him turns around and yells, "Hey Charlie....... The dead one's full again!"

Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I'll owe you one.

Q: How do pirates make their money? A: By hook or by crook!

Yo' Mama is so skanky, when the waiter brought out her strip steak, she asked where to tuck the dollar bills.

‘Why don’t oysters give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.’ Jay Leno

A stranger walks up to an Egyptian man at the Cairo bazaar and offers to sell him contraband Viagra for 100 Egyptian pounds. The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." The stranger says, "How about 20?" The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." The stranger says, "How about 10?" The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." The stranger says, "Listen, these pills cost $10 each in the U.S. How can you say they're not worth it?" The Egyptian man says, "Oh, the pills are worth it my wife isn't."