Joke #4606

A little boy says, ‘Dad, I’ve heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her.’ ‘Son,’ says the dad. ‘That happens everywhere.’

A beautiful princess comes upon a frog in a meadow near her castle. The frog hops into the princess' lap and says, "My lady, one kiss from you, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I once was, and then, my sweet, we can marry and set-up housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever be happy doing so." That night, as the princess dines on lightly sauteed frog legs, she chuckles to herself, "I don't f**kin' think so."

Girlfriend pregnant error... Abort, Marry, Ignore?

A man is talking to the family doctor, "Doc, I think my wife’s going deaf." The doctor answers, "Well, here’s something you can try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn’t answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. Then you’ll be able to tell just how hard of hearing she really is." The man goes home and tries it out. He walks in the door and says, "Honey, what’s for dinner?" He doesn’t hear an answer, so he moves closer to her. "Honey, what’s for dinner?" Still no answer. He repeats this several times, until he’s standing just a few feet away from her. Finally, she answers, "For the eleventh time, I said we’re having MEATLOAF!"

There’s a lot to be said about marriage, but we try not to say it in front of the children.

Husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? Wife: Because I married the wrong man!

My wife is temperamental. Fifty per cent temper and 50 per cent mental.

Two husbands were having a conversation, First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

They are a fastidious couple. She’s fast and he’s hideous.

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are more willing to die.

Q: How do you get your wife to scream and groan when you're having sex? A: Let her catch you doing it.