Joke #5951

My girlfriend likes to pretend to be a 14 year old when we have sex. I don't get it she will be 14 in a few years anyway.
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10 things men don't say 1)Let's watch Lifetime. 2)Sex is overrated. 3)I don't want to go too far on the first date. 4)Yes, your sister does have bigger breasts than you. 5)Don't we owe your mother a visit? 6)I'm relieved I don't have a large penis weighing me down. 7)Dessert goes right to my hips. 8)I hate when I miss Oprah. 9)Does this suit make me look fat? 10)I'll never get tired of listening to Dido.
Vote: has 33.76 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

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I dont understand why people say sex is good in the shower. How do you guys not get your laptop wet?
Vote: has 60.88 % from 68 votes. Send joke:

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Yo momma so nasty i had phone sex with her and she gave me an earinfection.
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A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”
Vote: has 87.22 % from 3656 votes. Send joke:

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A tight rope Walker is walking a tight rope between two buildings on the 85th floor in new York. At the same time in South Texas is getting a blow job from a 85 year old lady. What are both men thinking? Don't look down.
Vote: has 65.48 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, death, dirty, geography, sex
A guy is sitting in a bar; absolutely drooling at a pretty young thing in her short, pink mini-dress. Using the time-honoured icebreaker, he sends her a drink. "How lucky am I," he thinks, as she gets up to come sit next to him. They strike up a wonderful conversation. Finally, the girl turns to him and says, "Look, you seem like a really nice guy, so I have to tell you that I'm a working girl. I get two hundred dollars for what you think you will ply out of me with liquor." He replies, "I have no problem with the money but, since you were so straightforward I must tell you that when I come, I go nuts. I bite, scratch, kick, punch, pull hair, break furniture, and just plain destroy the place." "Oh my God! How long does that last?" she asked. "Just until I get my two hundred bucks back," he replied.
Vote: has 73.31 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

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Sex without condoms is magical... A baby appears and father disappears.
Vote: has 68.85 % from 240 votes. Send joke:

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My penis was in the Guiness Book of Records... until the librarian kicked me out.
Vote: has 79.08 % from 838 votes. Send joke:

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Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Vote: has 72.66 % from 342 votes. Send joke:

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If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!
Vote: has 65.19 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: birthday, kids, new year, sex