My girlfriend likes to pretend to be a 14 year old when we have sex. I don't get it she will be 14 in a few years anyway.
Got my wife a dildo and some shoes for her birthday. If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself.
What is the smallest hotel in the world? A p***y - because you gotta leave your bags outside!
Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?" His mother replies, "The stork brings them." Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"
Yo mama ass so big your dad's dick gets lost in it.
Murphy the bus driver is sitting in his cab when his supervisor comes along. ‘Hello, Murphy,’ he says. ‘What time did you pull out this morning?’ ‘I didn’t,’ replies Murphy. ‘And I’ve been worrying about it all day.’
When the first legal brothel opened here in Brissy I got the OK from the missus to check it out and have myself a good time. I was in there like a flash and as I was the only client at that time I has my choice of the buffet on offer. I chose a gorgeous tall slim redhead but before moving off to the rooms she stated that she wont work with anyone unless they are 10 inches. Being a little embarrassed as you would be I asked her politely to sit back down. I mean after all, no matter how hot they were I wasn't about to cut 2 inches of my manhood for anyone...
What did the Irish spinster keep saying in her prayers? ‘Good Lord, please have Murphy on me…’
Q. What do Disney World & Viagra have in common? A. They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.
*My dad helping me find a gf* Dad: What do you want most in a woman? Me: My dick. *Grounded and high fived*