My girlfriend always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.
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Q: When does a pedophile go to sleep?
A: When the big hand touches the small one.
Vote:
You work at a corner store and a hot girl walks in.
You ask for her number and she gives you a piece of paper with her phone number and address.
She tells you to take her out today.
She leaves and you tell your boss that you're going to f*uck the sh*t out of her and how you're going to rock her world.
You go to her house and your boss is in the kitchen and the girl tells him, big daddy.
You run out as fast as you can.
You go to work the next day and the girl is there waiting for you and tells you that it's over between you two.
Your boss asks you why didn't you go through with it.
You tell him you thought you would be mad and fire me if you knew I was talking about your daughter.
Your boss says I'm not her father in her Plummer.
You ask him why she called him daddy.
He says because that's my first name.
Wanna go on an 'ate' with me? I'll give you the 'D' later.
Dad shouts: "Stop watching porn, I can hear it in my room!"
Son: "Dad.. I'm not watching porn, that is Maria Sharapova playing Tennis!"
Tom to Dick: ‘My mother made me a homosexual.’
Dick: ‘If I bought her enough wool would she make me one as well?’
‘Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.’
Rodney Dangerfield
Girl: "Do you believe in puppy love?"
Boy: "I tried it once, but their assholes are too small."
How can you make your wife scream for an hour after sex?
Wipe your dick on the curtains.
Q: How do you know a gay guy has farted?
A: He needs to change his pants afterward.