My girlfriend always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.
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Charlie marries a virgin.
On their wedding night, he's on fire, and wants some dirty fun so he gets naked, jumps into bed, and immediately begins groping her.
"Charles, I expect you to be as mannerly in bed as you are at the dinner table."
So, Charlie folds his hands on his lap and says, "Is this better?"
"Much better!" she replies with a smile.
"Okay, then," he says, "now will you please pass the pussy."
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
My girlfriend always wanted to know the future job of her baby; so the other day when we were making sex suddenly she farted.
I told her: "Your baby will be a bugler."
Why are guys like microwavable meals?
They’re both done in 30 seconds.
Son: "What's love juice daddy?"
Me: "It's what 2 people make when they're having exciting sex. Anyway? What are you watching?"
Son: "Wimbledon."
Q. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?
A. Goes-in-tight!
I dont understand why people say sex is good in the shower.
How do you guys not get your laptop wet?
Vote:
What is the difference between a hippie girl and a muslim girl?
The hippie girl gets stoned before have sex.