My girlfriend always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.
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Yo' Mama is so fat, you have to slap her thigh and ride the wave in to have sex with her.
What’s the sex?
The sex in a disease.
You always get in bed because of it.
One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving when the kid he hired to mow his lawn, a local kid named Bubba, comes in to pee.
The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is.
He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is.
"Well," says Bubba, "every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my penis on the bedpost three times.
It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"
The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night.
So before climbing into bed with his wife, he took out his penis and whacked it three times on the bedpost.
His wife, half-asleep, said, "Bubba? Is that you?"
- "Didn't you read Lord of the Rings in high school"?
- "No, I had sex in high school."
A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better.
Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!”
The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying.
A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face.
She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”
Camilla goes to the doctors and says "Doctor, whenever one sucks Charlie's cock one gets a stomach ache."
The doctor says "Have you tried Andrew's?"
A dick has a sad life.
His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.
What happened when the chef got his hand caught in the dishwasher?
They both got fired.
‘I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.’
Steve Martin
A man walks into a clock shop where a beautiful woman is working.
He walks to the counter unzips his fly and pulls out his cock.
The woman screams "excuse me sir this is a CLOCK SHOP".
I know replied the man "I want two hands and a face put on this".