Joke #4531

My sex life isn’t dead, but the buzzards are circling.

Sex is like a motor racing - the most important thing is not to save money for bes quality rubber.

Bill and John, in their 80's decided to visit the Madam for one last sexual encounter. The Madam noticed Bill and John approaching, she quickly prepared 2 blow-up dolls, placing one in each room on the bed. Bill and John told the Madam that "We are here for the last time". The Madam sent Bill upstairs to the room on the left and John to the room on the right. After an hour Bill and John left the rooms, paid the Madam and left. Bill and John were very quiet until Bill said: "How was yours"? John said, "I think she was dead". John said, "How was yours"? Bill said, "I think she was a witch". John replied, "How did you know she was a witch"? Bill said, "Well I got on top of her, bit her nipple, she farted and flew out the window."

Your beauty is why God invented eyeballs, but your booty is why God invented my balls!

My girlfriend asked me for the 7th time in a row for me to smash raw... She must think I'm made of coat hangers.

Your legs are like an Oreo Cookie - I wanna split them and eat all the good stuff in the middle.

Little Johnny took sex ed and every day when little Johnny would come in from school he'll tell his dad for learning sex ed well one day we'll just come in and he said that I got thrown out sex ed Lil Johnny's daddy says how do you get thrown out sex ed Little Johnny said well Dad I got in trouble for eating during class.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.

How can you tell if your girlfriend’s frigid? When you open her legs, the lights go on.

What’s the difference between a bar and a g-spot? Most men have no trouble finding a bar.

‘After making love, I said to my girl, “Was it good for you too?” And she said, “I don’t think this was good for anybody.”’ Garry Shandling