It’s the morning after the honeymoon.
The wife says, ‘You know, you’re a really lousy lover.’
The husband replies, ‘How can you possible tell that after only 30 seconds.’
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Kid to her mother: "If you hurt me I'll make you pregnant by a needle."
Mother: "How? My sweet it isn't possible."
Kid: "I'll insert the needle to daddy's condom!"
What’s the difference between a sex night with the husband and one with the truelove?
About a half an hour...
- "Didn't you read Lord of the Rings in high school"?
- "No, I had sex in high school."
Harry is better at sex than anyone he know.
Now all he needs is a partner.
Are you an elevator?
Cause I wanna go down on you.
Before sex, you help each other get naked.
After sex, you dress only yourself.
Moral: In life no one helps you once you're fucked.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a taxi cab?
A: You have to pay to ride in a taxi cab.
What does a nigger do after sex?
25 years to life.
At the doctors office:
Doc: "Unfortunately sir, you have only 1 week to live…"
Man: "Doctor what on earth are you saying?”, clearly chocked, “Tell me what can I do to live at least a little linger, please…"
Doc: "Do you eat fried food?"
Man: "Yes"
Doc: "You must stop!"
Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ill do it"
Doc: "Do you eat fat food?"
Man: "Yes"
Doc: "You must stop!"
Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok doc"
Doc: "Do you stay up late?"
Man: "Yes"
Doc: "You must stop!"
Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok"
Doc: "Do you have sex often?"
Man: "Yes!
Doc: "You must stop!"
Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I’ll do that too"
Doc: "Do you smoke?"
Man: "Yes"
Doc: "You must stop!"
Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I will"
Doc: "Do you drink?"
Man: "Yes..."
Doc: "You must stop!"
Man: "OK doctor, but you didn’t tell me, if I do all the things you told me, how longer will I live?"
Doc: "You will still live for a week… but it will seem like a century…"
Vote:
A man bought a Lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decided to test it at dinner: …
DAD : Son where were you today during school hours?
SON : At school
(robot slaps the Son and he immediately changes his mind)
Okay I went to the movies!
DAD : Which one?
SON : Harry Potter
(robot slaps Son again!)
Okay I was watching porno.
DAD : What? When I was your age I didn’t even know porno!
(robot slaps dad)
MUM : hahahahaha! After all he is your Son!
(robot gives Mum a hot dirty slap)