Joke #3497

A Husband comes home with a half gallon of Ice Cream. He asked his wife if she wants some. "How hard is it?" she asked. "About as hard as my dick," he replies. To which the woman replied, "OK, then pour me some!"
Vote:
has 77.58 % from 781 votes. More jokes about: sex

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

I’m a very giving lover – I give Green Shield Stamps.
Vote:
has 24.40 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: sex
Knock-Knock Who is there? A long penis with a naked head. Come in please we were waiting for you.
Vote:
has 66.04 % from 641 votes. More jokes about: dirty, knock-knock, sex
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor!"
Vote:
has 62.00 % from 277 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, sex, wife
There were three nurses in a morgue... They entered a room where they had discovered that there was a dead man laying on the bed with a hard-on. The first nurse was very forward and said, "Wow! I have never seen that before, I can't let that go to waste". After saying this the first nurse sat and rode it. The 2nd nurse did the same. The third nurse explained that she couldn't as she was on her period. After a bit of convincing she eventually rode it. After 3 minutes the man woke up. The Nurses said, "What the hell... You were dead a few minutes ago" The man replied, "yeah I was... But I feel great now I have had two jump starts and a blood transfusion".
Vote:
has 76.31 % from 150 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty, disgusting, nurse, sex
Q. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes? A. Goes-in-tight!
Vote:
has 60.73 % from 119 votes. More jokes about: sex
Long time ago, in the land of Persia there lived a powerful king and his beautiful queen. The queen was so gorgeous that the king's ministers were obsessed and craving to seduce her. One day, the king got an invitation to visit the King of Ethiopia and left behind his queen and his kingdom. Before leaving, he asked his three ministers to take good care of his queen and all his affairs during his absence. All three pronounced their loyalty. That night, when the queen was deep asleep the king placed a sharp blade inside her because he didn't trust his three ministers. The following week, the king returned and summoned his three ministers to the palace. He ordered all three to strip. To the king's surprise, two of them were penisless and the third was fine. The two unfaithful ministers were immediately executed. The king praised the third minister for his loyalty and asked him what he wished. "Aaaah, aaaaaaaaah," he replied.
Vote:
has 75.34 % from 221 votes. More jokes about: dirty, political, sex
I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how that it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut. So in response, I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock. That shut her up.
Vote:
has 55.93 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, men, sex, women
Roses are red lemons are sour. Open your legs and give me an hour.
Vote:
has 60.70 % from 180 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food, poems, sex, time
Small boy to friend: ‘What would you do if a girl kissed you?’ Friend: ‘I’d kiss her back. What would you do?’ Small boy: ‘I’d kiss her front.’
Vote:
has 51.39 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: sex
Johny is the first day in jail in the cell with one mighty and a crazy prisoner and this crazy prisoner tells Johny: "You probably do not know that on the first day must every new prisoner must pass over the so-called welcome´s ceremonial. Ok, so I ask you directly. Do you want it with cream or without the cream?" Johny says: "I want it with creme, of course." The crazy prisoner yells and says: "Cremo, come here, please."
Vote:
has 35.91 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: dirty, gay, little Johnny, prison, sex