My wife and I have a joint account.
I deposit money and she withdraws it.
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A 67 year old Billionaire from Yorkshire marries a 26 year old woman and takes her down the pub to introduce to his mates...
When his mates see him walk through the door with his new wife they can't believe their eyes.
"By eck old lad! How av you managed to pull a reyt nice lass like her?"
The Yorkshireman replies, "It was easy! I gave her a bit of the old Yorkshire charm and then just lied about my age as well."
"Ah I see, so you told her you was fotty?" Asks his friend.
"No ya daft bugger! I told her I was 90!"
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Why did the millionaire count his money with his toes?
So it wouldn't slip through his fingers!
We were so poor the only way I could afford to get my suit pressed was to ride the subway during rush hour.
Q: How was copper wire invented?
A: Two jews fighting over a penny.
"Honey, on this Valentine's Day, I want to tell you something... I'm not rich like Jack, I don't have a mansion like Russell, or I don't have a Porsche like Martin, but I do love you and want to marry you."
"Oh, dear... I love you too... but, what was that you said about Martin?"
Bills travel through the post at twice the speed of cheques.
A man and his wife went to the pharmacy to pick up his prescription for Viagra.
Seeing the $10 per pill price his wife was astonished - but then realized "it's only going to cost us $30 per year."
Yo mamas so poor she traded her car for gas money.
Did you hear about the Wall Street investment banker who won $10 million in the lottery?
He's so happy that he's giving some serious thought to paying back his student loan.