Joke #4433

There’s a lot to be said about marriage, but we try not to say it in front of the children.
Vote:
has 84.71 % from 183 votes. More jokes about: marriage

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A loving couple was celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary, privately, at home with a couple of bottles of champagne. A bit tipsy and feeling very intimate the husband turns to his wife and asks, "Tell me truthfully, have you ever been unfaithful to me?" "Well," she replied, "since you ask, to tell you the truth I have been unfaithful on three occasions." "What? How could you?" "Let me tell you about it," she said. "The first time was back when we were first married. You needed open heart surgery and we didn't have the money, so I went to bed with the surgeon and got him to operate for free." "Gee! That was noble of you. And, besides, I guess I should be grateful. But, tell me, what about the second time?" "Do you remember that you wanted the position of the, and they were going to pass you over for someone else? Well, I went to bed with the President and the Vice President and they gave you the job." "Hell, I think I could have done it on my own. But, then again, I guess I should be grateful. And so, what about the third time?" "Do you remember two years ago when you wanted to become President of the Baseball Team, and you were missing 53 votes...?"
Vote:
has 84.86 % from 1121 votes. More jokes about: anniversary, food, marriage, wedding, work
As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Simpson became too furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde. As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Simpson, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!" Bewildered, Mr. Simpson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I...I...didn't pinch that girl." "Of course you didn't" said his wife, consolingly. "I did."
Vote:
has 84.79 % from 551 votes. More jokes about: blonde, husband, marriage
A man says to his friend, “I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.” The friend says, “Why not?” The man says, “I don’t like to interrupt her.”
Vote:
has 85.74 % from 450 votes. More jokes about: marriage, wife
After 20 years of marriage, a wife finds out that her husband had been f*cking her for the past 20 years with a dildo! she is so angry she asks her husband to "Explain the dildo". The husband replies "explain the kids?!"
Vote:
has 73.15 % from 161 votes. More jokes about: dirty, husband, kids, marriage, time
Bill has worked in a pickle factory for several years. One day he confesses to his wife that he has a terrible urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggests that he see a therapist to talk about it, but Bill vows to overcome this rash desire on his own. A few weeks later, Bill returns home absolutely ashen. His wife asks, "What's wrong, Bill?" "Do you remember how I told you about my tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" His wife gasps, "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh, um, she got fired, too."
Vote:
has 85.53 % from 1531 votes. More jokes about: doctor, god, marriage, wife, work
My husband said he wanted more space. So I locked him outside.
Vote:
has 53.76 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A man was reading the newspaper during breakfast and said to his wife, "Look at this. Another beautiful actress is going to marry a baseball player who's a total dope! I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the hottest wives." His wife said, 'Thank you.'
Vote:
has 84.68 % from 324 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Two husbands were discussing their married lives. Although happily married, they admitted that there were arguments sometimes. Then Chad said, "I've made one great discovery. I now know how to always have the last word." "Wow!" said Sherm, "how did you manage that?" "It's easy," replied Chad. "My last word is always 'Yes, Dear.' "
Vote:
has 76.51 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: husband, life, marriage, wife
The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest he’s too old to do it.
Vote:
has 85.38 % from 378 votes. More jokes about: marriage
I got married to Miss Right. I just didn’t realise her first name was ‘Always’.
Vote:
has 56.36 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: marriage