Joke #4686

Guns don’t kill people – husbands who come home early kill people.

Man: You've brought religion into my life. Woman: Really? How? Man: Until I met you, I didn't believe in Hell.

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person’s got, you wish you’d ordered that.

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in most countries, son.

Wife:"There's trouble with car. It has water in the carburetor." Husband:"Water in a carburetor? That's ridiculous." Wife:"I tell you the cas has water in the carburetor." Husband:"You don't even know what a carburetor is.I'll check it out. Where's the car?" Wife:"In the pool."

1st man: It is sickening the way my wife keps talking about her ex husband.. 2nd man: Than's nothing, mine keps talking about her next husband.

A young woman for whom a marriage with an old man was being arranged by her parents refused to go through with the ceremony because as she put it, " I don't want to feel old age creeping on me!"

Every Man needs a Beautiful wife, intelligent wife, caring wife, loving wife, sexy wife, adjusting & cooperative wife, but it's sad that law allows only one wife.

A wife and her husband were sleeping, in the middle of the night, the husband farted. Next morning the guy told his wife: "Last night I dreamed that I've bought a Mercedes!" His wife said: "That is right and you tootled for me."

A woman turns to her husband on their silver wedding anniversary and says, ‘Darling, will you still love me when my hair turns grey?’ Her husband replies, ‘Why not? I stuck with you through the other six shades.’

Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago. "Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold asked. "Not very likely," his wife said. "It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the ticket. He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store. With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter. With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these." He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop.Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!" "No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That's terrific! Who would have thought they'd still be here after all this time." The man came back to the counter, empty-handed. "They'll be ready Thursday," he said calmly.