Joke #4686

Guns don’t kill people – husbands who come home early kill people.
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A preacher was giving a sermon to a full church when all of a sudden the devil appeared. He was menacing and threatening and the entire congregation started to flee the church except for one old man. When the church was empty the devil went up to the man and asked "aren’t you afraid of me, I’m evil incarnate, the most horrific being in the universe and will most likely torture you!" The man replied "You don’t scare me, I’ve been married to your sister for 35 years."
Vote: has 52.23 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

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A man asks his mute friend what he wants in a woman. The mute friend points to his head. His friend says, "Yes, intelligence is important." Then, the mute friend rubs his thumb on the palm of his hand. His friend nods and says, "Certainly a woman with money would be nice." Then, the mute friend opens his hands wide in front of him, cups his fingers and makes a bouncing motion. His friend looks at him strangely. "What the heck do you want a woman with arthritis for?"
Vote: has 87.64 % from 284 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What did the fool do with his first 50 cent piece? A: He Married Her
Vote: has 26.78 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, marriage, money
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?" She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I’m your son’s teacher."
Vote: has 87.43 % from 1200 votes. Send joke:

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Remember your wife is a romantic who still loves flowers and chocolates. Show her you remember as well by referring to them occasionally.
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More jokes about: chocolate, marriage, memory, romantic
A married couple go to a restaurant. A blonde waitress takes their order and returns several minutes later, carrying a plate with only a plain hamburger bun on it. The man asks, "Where's the burger?" The waitress lifts her arm and pulls out a burger from her armpit. "I was keeping it warm," she replies. The wife says, "Please cancel my hot dog order."
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A woman was telling her friend , "It was I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied, "A multi-millionaire".
Vote: has 87.54 % from 300 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, marriage, money, women
Ladies, don’t forget the jumble sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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My wife constantly complains that I never listen to her… Or something like that.
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A policeman on a motorcycle pulls over a car. ‘What’s up?’ says the driver. ‘Your wife fell out the passenger door three miles back,’ says the policeman. ‘Thank goodness for that,’ says the driver. ‘I thought I’d gone deaf.’
Vote: has 87.51 % from 244 votes. Send joke:

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