Joke #4688

It’s people that give drinking a bad name.
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol

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A drunk falls into one of the fountains in Trafalgar Square. Floundering around, he looks up and sees Nelson standing on his column. ‘Don’t jump!’ he shouts. ‘This is the shallow end!’
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What’s the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic? A drunk goes to work.
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Sign over a pub bar: ‘Due to the recent water shortage, beer will now be served at full strength.’
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A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm, puts the dog on the bar and announces that the dog can talk and that he has $100 he's willing to bet anyone who says he can't. The bartender quickly takes the bet and the owner looks at the dog and asks, "What's the thing on top of this building which keeps the rain from coming inside?" The dog answers "ROOF." The bartender says, "Who are you kidding? I'm not paying." The dogs owner says, "How about double or nothing and I'll ask him something else." The bartender agrees and the owner turns to the dog and asks, "Who was the greatest ballplayer of all time?" The dog answers with a muffled "RUTH." With that the bartender picks them both up and throws them out the door. As they bounce on the sidewalk, the dog looks at his owner and says, "DiMaggio?"
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has 30.41 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the loo. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!" After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"
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has 24.15 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, beer
Q: How many men does it take to open a Budweiser bottle? A: none. the lady should already have it open on the table!
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has 14.67 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A Jewish man walks into a bar and sits down. He has a few drinks, then he sees a Chinese man and punches him in the face. "Owch!" the Chinese man says. "What was that for?" "That was for Pearl Harbor," the Jewish man says. "But I'm Chinese!" "Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference?" And the Jewish man sits back down. Then, the Chinese man walks up to the Jewish man and punches him in the face. "Ouch!" the Jewish man says. "What was that for?" "That was for the Titanic," the Chinese man says. "But that was an iceberg!" "Ice berg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"
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has 79.53 % from 1027 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, jewish, racist
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives. Karen said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does." Joanne giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner, because of his incredible shaft." Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, "Well, what do you call your boyfriend?" Kathy frowned and said, "The postman." Looking puzzeled Joanne asked, "Why the postman?" "Because… he always delivers late and half the time it’s in the wrong box."
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has 68.26 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, husband, men, sex, women
Don't type "Chuck Norris" on Monster Milktruck, your milk will turn into beer.
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has 46.20 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, beer, Chuck Norris
My wife hates the sight of me when I’m drunk, and I hate the sight of her when I’m sober.
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has 46.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: alcohol