What dog can jump higher than a building?
Anydog, buildings can't jump!
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In what type of weather is the vet the busiest?
When its raining cats and dogs.
What do a rattlesnake and a soft penis have in common?
You can't f**k with either one.
Q:Why don't giraffes like fast food?
A:Because they can't catch it!
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero" The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week."
The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."
What's a skunk's philosophy of life?
Eat, stink and be merry.
What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses?
If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital!
What should a rabbit use to keep his fur neat?
A harebrush.
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it...
Why was the man sued by his horse?
For palomino-money!
Q: Why can't black kids play in the the sandbox?
A: Because the cats keep covering them up.
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