What dog can jump higher than a building?
Anydog, buildings can't jump!
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What do you call a dinosaur drinking Tequila?
Tyrannosaurus Mex.
Q: What's meaner than a pit bull with herpes?
A: The guy who gave it to him.
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My cat can talk.
I asked her what two minus two was and she said nothing.
There is no theory of evolution.
Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
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Q: What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer's day?
A: I'm bakin'.
How could the dolphin afford to buy a house?
He prawned everything.
Every day after work two blondes would look for their cars together.
Since they could never remember where they parked, they would sit around until all the cars were gone and they could spot their vehicles.
One blonde says "We need to find a faster way to get home."
The next day, they come to work on a donkey.
After work they come out and see a donkey tied to the fence.
"I think we're going to have to wait again, " says the one blonde.
"I'm not convinced that's our donkey."
"Why not?" asks the second blonde.
The first blonde says, "Well, this donkey only has one a**hole, and this morning when we rode in, I distinctly overhead someone say, "Hey look at those two a**holes on that donkey."
A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins.
He pulls the guy over and says: “You can’t drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately.”
The guy says OK, and drives away.
The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins, and they’re all wearing sun glasses.
He pulls the guy over and demands: “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?”
The guy replies: “I did . . . today I’m taking them to the beach!”
Q: What is the difference between a mouse and a dick?
A: No difference. Both are searching a hole.
A dog walks into a pub, and takes a seat.
He says to the barman, "Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps please".
The barman says, "Wow, that's amazing! You should join the circus!"
The dog replies, "Why? Do they need electricians?"