Joke #4717

What dog can jump higher than a building? Anydog, buildings can't jump!
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Q:What did the polar bear say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags? A:Mmmm, sandwiches!
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What's a moo hoo for a bunch of weirdo cattle? A nerd herd.
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How do jockeys determine which racehorses are the favourites? They take a gallop poll!
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I had to go round next door and look after my neighbour’s cat while he was away. Now there’s a great pile of crap and a puddle of wee on his kitchen floor. Hopefully, he’ll think the cat did it.
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Q: Why did the elephant paint himself diffrent colours? A: So he could hide in the crayon box!
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Q: What did the emu say to the nurse? A: Mend her bones or walk the plank
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In the year 3000, animals rule the Earth; they talk and drive sportscars. An owl enters a psychologist's office. The psychologist says to the owl, "What is your problem?" The owl replies, "I always sleep at night and am awake during the day. I am an owl and we usually are awake during the night." The psychologist tells the owl to come back in two days to solve his problem, as he is very busy. The next night, a cat comes in. He says, "I always sleep during the day. Like my friends, I want to sleep during the night. Can you help?" The psychologist advises the cat to come back in one day, as he is very busy. The next day, the cat comes very, very, very early for his appointment and ends up at the same time as the owl. The cat is told to wait outside. He peeks in the owl's appointment and figures out his problem... and his address! During the next evening, when the owl usually comes in for his appointment, the cat comes in. The psychologist asks the cat why he is here instead of the owl. The cat replies, "He is here!" and poops on the floor, explaining, "I was sent to deliver him."
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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side…
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Q: What's worse than having termites in your piano? A: Crabs on your organ.
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What color socks do bears wear? (They don't wear socks, they have bear feet!)
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