A Woman asks a Waiter What is this fly doing in my Ice cream?
The waiter says, "SHIVERING MADAM".
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Q: If a man crashes his car into a woman who's fault is it?
A: Well what was the man doing driving in the kitchen...
A woman was telling her friend , "It was I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
The woman replied, "A multi-millionaire".
The proprietor of an adult store steps out to run a few errands and leaves his employee in charge.
A woman comes in and wants to purchase a dildo.
She looks at the shelf behind the register.
"How much for the white one?"
"$10."
"How much for the black one?"
"$20."
She buys the white one.
A little later , another woman comes in and also wants to buy a dildo.
After asking the clerk for prices, she decides on the black one.
A third lady comes in for a dildo.
She checks the price of the white one , the black one and asks about the plaid one.
She makes her purchase and leaves.The proprietor returns and asks how things went.
"Great! I sold a white one, a black one, and I got thirty buck for your thermos!"
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What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common?
They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one.
A woman runs into a doctor’s office and says “DOCTOR! DOCTOR!
You have to help me!
Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!”
The doctor replied, “Show me.”
So the woman poked her ankle and screamed of pain.
Then she poked her knee and yelled OW.
She poked her forehead and screamed again.
She was about to continue when the doctor said, “That’s enough, let me think this over.”
He thought for about a minute and said “I think I know what your problem is. You broke your finger.”
If God is a woman then we're all going to go to Hell, but we'll never know why.
The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly."
On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?"
"Yes", the boy's mother answered.
"And how is your son now?" the psychiatrist asked.
"Who cares?" the mother replied.
They say that if I don't support transgender rights I'm on the wrong side of history.
At least I'm on the right side of the firing squad.
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Q. What do a toilet and a woman have in common?
A. Without the hole in the middle they aren't good for shit.
A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you like to dance?"
The girl says, "I don’t like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn’t dance with you."
The guy says, "I’m sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants."