The biggest difference between men and women is what comes to mind when the word 'Facial' is used.
Peter: "Your secretary is very sexy..." Tony: "Thanks! It's a robot actually, named 'Maria'. If you squeeze her right boob, she takes dictation & if you squeeze her left boob, she types letters! I'll Lend it to you for a day & you can see her functions..." Next day Peter called Tony from hospital & shouted: "You bastard!" You didn't tell me that the "HOLE" between Maria's legs is a pencil sharpener.
Q: What is the most confusing day in Harlem? A: Father's Day.
Q: Why did dinosaurs have sex under water? A: You try to keep five hundred pounds of pussy wet!
Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives? Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.
Q: What is the difference between oral and anal sex? A: Oral sex makes your day and Anal sex makes your whole weak.
‘I’m a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping Tom booing me.’ Rodney Dangerfield
In bed my girlfriend used to mentally dress me.
A husband feeling a bit horny goes to the bathroom and returns with 4 aspirin and a glass of water for his wife. He says, "Here honey, here are some aspirin and a some water." She replied, "but honey I do not have a headache!" He replied, "Thank God!"
Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed. His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied, "Some things you just can't explain. This morning I was outside milking a cow. As soon as the bucket was full the cow kicked it down with his left foot so I tied up his left foot to a pole. I began to fill up the bucket again and he kicked it down with his right foot, so I tied his right foot to a pole too. As soon as I finished milking the cow again he knocked down the bucket with his tail and I took off my belt and tied up his tail with my belt. As I was tying up his tail, my pants dropped down, then my wife came out and well, trust me, some things you just can't explain."