Joke #4761

Texan: "Where are you from?" Harvard Graduate: "I come from a place where we do not end sentences with prepositions." Texan: "Okay — where are you from, jackass?"
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When do cannibals cook you? On Fried-days.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said, "Are you two an item?"
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A diner complained, "Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!" His waiter replied, "That's entirely possible; our cook used to be a tailor."
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Paddy got a job as a road line-painter. He paints 5 miles on the first day, 2 miles on the second day and 1 on the third day. "You get worse and worse every day!" yelled his boss. "That is because the bucket gets further and further away every day." said Paddy.
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What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything.
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A Ham sandwich walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food."
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Doc, isn't it harmful to drink a shot before eating? No it's not, if you don't eat too often..
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TV commercials now show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.
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Employer: "We need someone responsible for the job." "Sir your search ends here! In my previous job whenever something went wrong,everybody said I was responsible."
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Why wouldn't the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
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