Texan: "Where are you from?"
Harvard Graduate: "I come from a place where we do not end sentences with prepositions."
Texan: "Okay — where are you from, jackass?"
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
So I was at the local corner store one night and bought a pack of condoms.
I went up to pay for them and the store clerk said would you like a bag?
I said No, she's not that ugly.
Then the 3 ladies behind me started giggling and I said wait sir, you'd better make that 3 packs.
Going to war without the French is like going hunting without your accordion.
Every time you're sad, just remember that somewhere out there a tree grew for years and years, but was then destroyed and became material for a Justin Bieber notebook.
"I really don’t know girl, but I don’t believe in love at first sight!"
"Why?"
"Because... How can you tell if the man has a good salary at the first sight?"
Hilary Clinton, George Bush, Sarkozy, a boy and a monk were stuck on a plane that is falling fast.
They are 5 but there are only 4 parachutes.
Hilary said "I'm a woman, you cant leave a woman on a plane to die" so she took one and jumped.
Bush said "I'm the smartest in the world, every one needs me" he took one and jumped.
Sarkozy blabbed something in french that no one understood, he took one and jumped.
The monk tells the boy "You take the last parachute, let me die" the boy said
"Why? We can both jump."
"How is that?" said the monk.
The boy replies, "Because the so called smartest man Bush took my school bag and jumped!"
A hound dog lays in the yard and an old man in overalls sits on the porch.
"Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" a jogger asks.
The old man looks over his newspaper and replies, "Nope."
As soon as the jogger enters the yard, the dog begins snarling and growling, and then attacks the jogger's legs.
As the jogger flails around in the yard, he yells, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!"
The old man mutters, "Ain't my dog."
Apparently Neil Armstrong use to tell unfunny jokes about the Moon, and followed them up with "Ah, I guess you had to be there."
A patient comes to a doctor, who asks him:
- Do you smoke?
- No.
- Do you drink?
- No.
- Do you eat fast food?
- No.
- Don't worry, I'll find something anyways...
Terrorists take a group of lawyers hostage.
They ask for a ransom of $20 million and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for.