Joke #4761

Texan: "Where are you from?" Harvard Graduate: "I come from a place where we do not end sentences with prepositions." Texan: "Okay — where are you from, jackass?"
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: life

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The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions. "Ever have an accident?" "Nope, nary a one." "None? You've never had any accidents." "Nope. Ain't had one. Never." "Well, you said in this form you were bitten by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?" "Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."
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Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? A: You can unscrew a light bulb.
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When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
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Waiter: "I’ve stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog’s leg." Customer: "Don’t tell me your problems. Give the menu card."
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has 54.26 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal, life
There's a rumor that Steve Jobs, has been a Buddhist, has been reincarnated as a factory worker on a sweatshop assembly line in China.
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has 59.80 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, geography, life, technology, work
A mathematician, physicist and economist after Titanic crash on uninhabited island in the middle of Atlantic ocean. Starving to death they found a can of roastbeef. They start debating how to open the can without can-opener. Mathematician suggests to drop the can from the cliff to open it. Physicist proposes to heat the can on bonfire. Economist: "Let's suppose the can is opened...."
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has 45.10 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: death, life, math
Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I'm a mile away and I have his shoes.
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If you see me smiling, I'm probably thinking of doing something evil. If I'm laughing, I've already done it.
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has 80.44 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: life, mean
Q: Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!
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has 19.69 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, drug, life, music
I went to a very beautiful place yesterday. There were blossoms, roses and bright sky like a fantasy land. I was so happy until some idiot woke me up...
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has 66.38 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: beauty, life, travel