How do you know which one is your boss from a crowd of 500 people?
You say: “My boss is a stupidest asshole!”
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Q: What’s the definition of a pessimist?
A: A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.
A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland.
As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used.
She showed the group a lively hillside where many goats were grazing.
"These," she explained, "are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce."
She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?"
A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours!"
God created universe, Chuck Norris created God.
Vote:
Q: What is the worst thing an emergency doctor can tell you after admitting your MIL?
A: Sir, we were able to save her!
Vote:
I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.
I said, "Are you two an item?"
Mom can i buy some heels?
No.
Mom can i buy a bra?
No.
Mom can i buy a dress?
No.
Mom can i buy a barbie doll?
No. You never let me buy anything!
Shut up, Justin.
"I really don’t know girl, but I don’t believe in love at first sight!"
"Why?"
"Because... How can you tell if the man has a good salary at the first sight?"
What has a head, a tail, and no body?
A coin!
Never make the same mistake twice.
There are so many new ones, try a different one each day.
A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go to a restaurant in London.
The waiter tells them, "Excuse me if you were going to order the steak, I'm afraid there's a shortage due to the mad cow disease."
The Texan says, "What's a shortage?"
The Russian says, "What's a steak?"
The New Yorker says, "What's 'excuse me'?"