Joke #4773

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I’ll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She’s gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He’s gone. "OK, you’re up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch." Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say...

I used to hate weddings, all the old ladies would prod me and say "you'll be next!" They soon stopped that, when I started saying it to them at funerals !

Doc, I think I need to wear glasses Indeed you have to, you are in a bank.

What difference is between a man and Paris? The Paris remains Paris!

Never make the same mistake twice. There are so many new ones, try a different one each day.

There were two brothers. One was very good and tried to always live right and be helpful. His brother, on the other hand, was bad and did all the things that men should not do and didn’t care who he hurt. The bad brother died. The good brother missed him despite his ways. Finally, years later, the good brother died and went to Heaven. Everything was beautiful and wonderful there and he was very happy. One day he asked God where his brother was, as he hadn’t seen him there. God said that he was sorry but his brother lived a terrible life and went to Hell instead. The good brother then asked God if there was any way for him to see his brother. So God gave him the power of vision to see into Hell and there was his brother. He was sitting on a bench with a keg of beer under one arm and a gorgeous blonde on the other. Confused, the good brother said to God, "I am so happy that you let me into Heaven with You. It is so beautiful here and I love it. But I don’t understand, if my brother was bad enough to go to Hell, why does he have the keg of beer and a gorgeous blonde? It hardly seems like a punishment." God said unto him, "Things are not always as they seem, my son. The keg has a hole in it; the blonde does not."

I'm trying to write a joke about overdosing on cocaine. But I need a line to end it.

In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth... After that, everything else was Made in China.

Q: What did the sergeant tomato say to the slacker soldier tomato? A: "You better catch up!"

"What is love, at last?" asks the dentist. And the cardiologist: "Love is a toothache.. but inside the heart!"

The government shutdown has officially lasted longer than any of Taylor Swift's relationships.