What does a man call true love?
An erection.
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Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash.
Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill.
"Here’s that $20 I owe you," he says.
Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they don't want ninety per cent of their decisions made by a perfect stranger.
A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind.
After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retired to bed.
So, both go to their separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber.
The man called over to his wife, "My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely."
So the woman gets out of bed and crosses the room to the husband.
On the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face.
The husband with a concerned look on his face says, "Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey-wosey?"
The woman gets up and enters the man's bed.
The two make passionate love and afterwards the women rolls out.
As she is returning to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on her face.
The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says, "Clumsy idiot."
What does a man consider a seven course meal?
A hot dog and a six pack.
What do you call a take-out low-calorie meal for a cowboy?
A Saddle Light Dish.
I am a marvelous housekeeper.
Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Vote:
Three men were at a bar discussing coincidences.
The first man said, "My wife was reading A Tale of Two Cities and she gave birth to twins."
"That’s funny," the second man remarked, "My wife was reading The Three Musketeers and she gave birth to triplets."
The third man shouted, "Oh my, I have to rush home!"
When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, "When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves!"