Men are like.....Department Stores. Their clothes should always be half off.
I only wanted to have a child, not marry one.
Two Tennessee Rednecks, Bubba and Jim Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer. Bubba turns to Jim Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College, and sign up for some classes." Jim Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave. The next day, Bubba goes down to the college and meets the Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Bubba says. "What's that?" The dean says, "I'll show you. Do you own a weed-eater?" "Yeah." "Then logically speaking, because you own a weed-eater, I think that you would have a yard." "That's true, I do have a yard." "I'm not done, the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house." "Yes, I do have a house." "And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family." "I have a family." "I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife." "Yes, I do have a wife." "And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual." "I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed-eater." Excited to take the class now, Bubba shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Jim Bob at the bar. He tells Jim Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Jim Bob says, "What's that?" Bubba says, "I'll show you. Do you have a weed-eater?" "No." "Then you're a queer."
Q: Why was the blonde girl's belly button bruised? A: Because blonde men are dumb too.
What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant? Any place without a drive-up window.
How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus? At the circus the clowns don't talk.
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
A man walks into a bar and says "Ow!" A second man walks into the same bar. You would think after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it coming.
2 cannibals having dinner. 1st says to 2nd, "Your wife makes a lovely stew." 2nd answers, "Yes but I will miss her."