Men are like.....Department Stores.
Their clothes should always be half off.
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Diamonds are a girl's best friend.
Dogs are man's best friend.
So which is the dumber sex?
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him.
Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. So if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night.
As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his bride and said, "here put these on."
She put them on, and the waist was twice the size of her body.
"I can’t wear your pants," she said.
"That’s right!" said the husband, "and don’t you forget it. I’m the man who wears the pants in this family!"
With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.
He said, "Hell, I can’t get into your panties!"
She said, "That’s right, and that’s the way it’s going to be until you change your attitude…"
Men are born between the legs of women and spend all their life trying to get back between them. Why?
Theres no place like home ...
Q: What would men do if they had breasts?
A: They'd stay at home and play with them all day.
The average man is proof enough that women can take a joke.
Why did the blonde have a sore belly button?
Because there are blonde men too!
What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat?
Divorce him.