Joke #1220

What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand? A man's undivided attention.
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: men

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Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of? Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
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has 35.23 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: men
Jim is up north on a trip and his car breaks down. He checks it out for a minute and being a mechanic he pretty quickly knows he needs a tow truck. He opens his phone and has no signal so he starts walking. A few minutes later he here's the bass of a car coming in the distance, bht dum dum do buh dum dum do. He waits and sees a low riding car pull up next to him. The windows roll down and smoke pours out. He sees a bunch of empty beer bottles. The driver and his 3 passengers ask "hey man! Need a lift? We saw your car up the road?" He thinks for a minute and decides not to go with them. The ask what's wrong with the car the mechanic replies "uhh just piston broke that's all" the driven than replies "eh so are we man hop in!"
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has 73.52 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: car, communication, men, phone, travel
Q: Why was the blonde girl's belly button bruised? A: Because blonde men are dumb too.
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has 72.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: blonde, men, sex, stupid, women
Q: How can you tell when a man is dead? A: He stays stiff for more than two minutes.
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has 27.32 % from 5 votes. More jokes about: men
Men are like.....Lawn Mowers. If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.
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has 34.78 % from 6 votes. More jokes about: men
Q:How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A:None, the sockets go with the house.
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has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: divorce, light bulb, men
Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism.
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has 30.11 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: marriage, men
After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a $50.00 bottle. "That’s a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00. "That’s still quite a bit," Tim complained. Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle. "What I mean," said Tim, "is I’d like to see something really cheap." The clerk handed him a mirror.
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: men
Alex an Aussie builder was going through a house he had just built for the woman who owned it. She was telling him what colour to paint each room. They went into the first room and she said "I want this room to be painted a light blue." The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"  When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be bright red. The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"  When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be tan. The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"  When he came back, the lady was pretty curious, so she asked him "I keep telling you colours, but you go out the front and yell 'green side up' - what is that for?" The builder said, "Oh don't worry about that, I've just got a couple of Kiwi's laying the turf out front."
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has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: men, women, work
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"
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has 60.16 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: men