What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?
A man's undivided attention.
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What did Barack Obama become after his forty-seventh year?
"Forty-eight years old."
Question: Why do men die before their wives?
Answer: Because they want to.
A man and woman were on their first date.
The woman was trying to make conversation and said, "So I hear you hunt deer."
The man looked away and turned red.
"What's wrong?" asked the woman.
"I'm not used to someone calling me dear on the first date," the man said.
Definition of a man with manners – he gets out of the bath to pee.
While reading the newspaper, Walter came across an article about a beautiful actress and model who married a boxer who was not noted for his IQ.
"I'll never understand," he said to his wife, "why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."
His wife replied: "Thank you, dear!"
Q: Why are men so happy?
A: Because ignorance is bliss.
A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror…
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible;
I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.”
The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares?
If men got pregnant.... abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows.