Joke #1220

What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand? A man's undivided attention.

A man walks into a bar and says "Ow!" A second man walks into the same bar. You would think after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it coming.

This man goes along to the Patent Office with some of his new designs. He says to the clerk, "I'd like to register my new invention. It's a folding bottle." "OK," says the clerk. "What do you call it?" "A fottle, replies the inventor." "A fottle? That's a stupid! Can't you think of something else?" "I can think about it. I've got something else though. It's a folding carton." "And what do you call that?" asks the clerk. "A farton", replies the inventor. "That's rude. You can't possibly call it that!" "In that case," says the inventor... "You're really going to hate the name of my folding bucket."

If women knew what men were really thinking, they'd never stop slapping them.

How are men like diplomas? You spend lots of time getting one, but once you have it, you don't know what to do with it.

This man was talking to a group of men at a bar and he said, "In my house I am the boss, I say when the laundry is done and when the cooking is made and when the dishes are washed." One of the guys at the table said, "How long have you been married?" The man says, "Oh I'm not married I'm single!"

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with, "A man once told me..."

A man sits on a bus looking ashamed. The man next to him notices and asks what is wrong. He says that when he went to buy the bus ticket, the woman serving him had the most unbelievable breasts, so he got flustered and asked for two tickets to Tittsburgh instead of Pittsburgh. The man next to him laughs, "Don't worry about that. We all make Freudian slips. This morning I was having breakfast with my wife. I meant to say, 'Pass the salt,' but I accidently said, 'You f**king bitch, you ruined my life.'"

Boy will be boys but one day all girls will be women.

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Hunting flies," He responded. "Oh, killing any?" She asked. "Yep, three males, two females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell? He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."

Prospective husband: Do you have a book called "Man, The Master of Womem"? Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.