What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?
A man's undivided attention.
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Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A. Breasts don't have eyes.
God gave man his penis and his brain but blood only enough to work one another at a time.
A woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive.
The woman says to the clerk at the counter, "I'm looking to buy a pet for my husband but I'm on a very short budget!."
"No worries," replies the clerk.
"We've just ordered in a very large bullfrog that can give bl*wjobs."
"Bl*wjobs," says the woman, buying the frog, thinking it would be a great gag gift, so she goes home and gives the frog to her husband explaining the frogs talent.
With a laugh the husband walks off leaving the frog in the kitchen.
In the middle of the night the woman wakes up to the sound of pots and pans flying around in the kitchen.
She goes down to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.
"What are you two doing?" she asks.
"Well," says the husband.
"If I can teach this frog to cook you are outta here."
Men are like buses.
One comes every 15 minutes.
How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three.
One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.
An advertisement:
I change 40-year-old wife to two 20-years-old ones.
Do not offer four 10-year-old ones.
A guy was going to Texas and when he went on the train he said, "Ohh my god Texas chairs are really big."
He went to a bar he asked for a bear and when the bar tender gave him the mug of bear the guy said, "Wooww Texas mugs are really big."
Later he asked the bar tender were is the bathroom and the bar tender said, "Strait on your right."
But the guy went on his left and when he entered the room he slipped and feel in the swimming pool and said, "Don't flush don't flush!"
Q: Why did they make glow in the dark condoms?
A: So gay guys can play star wars.
Did you hear about the man who got a vasectomy at Sears?
Now every time he gets excited, the garage door goes up.
MEN Vs WOMEN
1. MEN discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT. WOMEN discovered paint and invented makeup.
2. Men discovered word and invented conversation. Women discovered conversation and invented gossip.
3. Men discovered gambling and invented cards. Women discovered cards and invented Witchery.
4. Men discovered trading and invented money. Women discovered money and invented shopping. There after Men have discovered and invented lots of things while Women STUCK TO SHOPPING.