A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don"t know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son... "Go get your Mother."
I hear Taylor Swift's ex boyfriends are collabing on a new single called "Maybe You're The Problem".
Why don't men have mid-life crises? They stay stuck in adolescence.
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women? When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
How can you tell if a man is lying? You can see his lips moving.
What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
Why do men like smart women? Opposites attract.
General Peter Pollock, the Navy Chief was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. General Pollock arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and Pollock asks: "So how are your men Marshall?" "Very well trained, Peter." "I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country." "Well, my men are very brave, too." "I'd like to see that." So Marshall calls an under-trainee and says: "James! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!" "Are you crazy? It'd kill me, you idiot! I'm out of here!" As James ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered Pollock and said: "You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general."
What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship? Telling you his real name.
Q. Why were men given larger brains than dogs? A. So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.