How is a man like a microwave oven?
Just another thing that heats up instantly and goes off in twenty seconds.
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Q: What do you call a man who run a cross the road and roll in the dirt then run back across?
A: A double dirty crosser.
A true gentleman holds the door for his woman... then smacks her ass as she walks by.
I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks "Are you reading that?" I didn’t know what to say.
So I said yes.
I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.
Q: What do you call a group of men found drowned in a wine vat?
A: The Grape-full Dead!
There are 5 birds in a tree.
A hunter shoots 2 of them dead.
How many birds are left?
2 birds.
The other 3 fly away!
A man walks into a bar and notices his friend sitting alone staring at a tiny man on the table playing the piano.
"Wow, look how small he is, where did you get him?!" Says the man.
"Oh, well there's this genie round the back of bar, and he grants you whatever wish you want."
Sure enough, the man goes round the back of the bar and there sits a genie.
"You grant wishes right?"
"Yes." replies the genie.
"Hmm, I'd like a million bucks."
Then, out of nowhere, a million ducks appear, and waddle behind the annoyed man as he goes back into the bar.
"Look, that genie gave me ducks instead of bucks!"
His friends sitting at the table replies,
"Well yeah, do you really think I asked for a twelve inch pianist?"
What's the difference between an intelligent man and a UFO?
I don't know, I've never seen either one.
Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
So they can find their way back to the house.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.