How is a man like a microwave oven?
Just another thing that heats up instantly and goes off in twenty seconds.
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him.
Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.
John was in trouble, really big trouble.
You see, he forgot his wedding anniversary and, if you're married, you can imagine what he's probably going through.
His wife was really pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!"
She was serious too, so John got serious.
The next morning he woke up early and left for work.
When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped, right there in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife threw her robe on and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house and opened in with much anticipation.
Inside she found a brand new bathroom scale.
John has been missing since Thursday.
How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three.
One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.
Man walks into a shop and sees a very handsome dog. He asks the shop assistant, "Does your dog bite?"
"No, my dog doesn't bite."
The man happily tries to pet the dog, but the dog attacks him viciously.
A little later he stumbles to the shop clerk, "Hey, you said your dog doesn't bite!"
The shop clerk shrugs, "He doesn't. But that wasn't my dog."
Vote:
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
A man goes to the doctor with a piece of lettuce dangling from his rectum.
"That looks nasty," says the doctor.
"Nasty?" the man says.
"That's just the tip of the iceberg."
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A.A dog is always happy to see you
B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
10 things men don't say
1)Let's watch Lifetime.
2)Sex is overrated.
3)I don't want to go too far on the first date.
4)Yes, your sister does have bigger breasts than you.
5)Don't we owe your mother a visit?
6)I'm relieved I don't have a large penis weighing me down.
7)Dessert goes right to my hips.
8)I hate when I miss Oprah.
9)Does this suit make me look fat?
10)I'll never get tired of listening to Dido.
Vote: