How is a man like a microwave oven?
Just another thing that heats up instantly and goes off in twenty seconds.
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Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.
A brunette who really hated blondes was walking through the desert when she came across a magic lamp.
After rubbing the lamp the genie told her that she got three wishes with one catch: All the blondes in the world would get twice whatever she asked for.
So the brunette thought a while and then wished for a million dollars.
"Every blonde in the world will get two million."
The brunette said that was fine and then she asked for an incredibly handsome man.
Every blonde in the world will get two incredibly handsome men.
The brunette said that was fine too and the genie granted her wishes.
"Now for your third wish." said the genie.
"See that stick over there?", asked the brunette,
"I want you to beat me half to death with it."
Q: Why are Christmas trees better than Men?
A: Even the small ones give satisfaction.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A.A dog is always happy to see you
B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half time.
How does a man show he's planning for the Future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
A guy walks into an antique store and buys a grandfather clock, he walks out of the shop with it and accidentally walks into a drunk guy. (they both fall over and the clock gets smashed to bits)
The guy says to the drunk, "Why don't you watch where your going?" and the drunk says, "Why don't you carry a wrist watch like everybody else?"
Q: What is difference between man and Superman?
A: Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser.