How is a man like a microwave oven?
Just another thing that heats up instantly and goes off in twenty seconds.
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"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something."
A plane is descending rapidly from the air, and the passengers are all scared stiff.
Suddenly a women near the front of the plane stands up and takes off her shirt.
She proceeds to yell, "Is there a man on this plane that can make me feel like a REAL woman before I die?!"
She continues to yell this for about ten minutes before a man in the very back takes a stand. He proceeds to say "Yeah I can make you feel like a woman."
He then takes off his shirt and throws it towards her and says, "Here! Iron this!"
Q:What’s the difference between Ross Perot and Barack Obama?
A:Ross Perot is crackpot with big ears and Barack Obama is a pothead with big ears.
Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost in space, the woman will ask for directions.
A young woman walks into a bar and sits down next to a man wearing a cowboy hat.
"Excuse me sir but are you a real cowboy?"
The man says, "Well I have a ranch and horses. I go to rodeos and raise cattle and other livestock, so yes I suppose I'm a real cowboy."
The woman says, "Well I think I'm a l*sbian. Women are always on my mind whether I'm working eating driving or whatever its still the same. I cant get women off my mind. Yes I think I'm a l*sbian."
The young woman gets up and leaves the coffee shop.
A short time later a young guy comes in and sits down next to the man and asks him, "Sir are you a real cowboy?" To that the man replies, "Well I always thought I was, but just a few minutes ago I found out I'm a l*sbian!"
How does a man save a woman from being attacked on the street at night?
He controls himself.
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
Men are like.....Popcorn.
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
In the beginning, God created Earth and then rested.
After that, He creaed man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man got ever rested.
