Joke #3263

Why are men like blenders? You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

I had to divorce my husband for religious reasons, I'm a catholic and living with him is hell.

Why do men buy electric lawn mowers? So they can find their way back to the house.

How can you tell when a man is well hung? When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.

What is a man's definition of safe sex? A padded headboard.

Q: Why do men like blonde jokes? A: Because they can understand them.

Men are like.....Bank Machines. Once they withdraw they lose interest.

One morning while his wife was making breakfast, a man walked up to her and gave her a healthy pinch on her butt. He said to her, "If you firmed up your butt we could get rid of your girdle." The wife was angry but said nothing. The next morning her husband pinched her breast and said, "If you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra." The wife grabbed her husband's penis and replied, "and if you firmed this up we could get rid of the mailman, the gardener, the pool man, and your brother!"

Every man thinks he's a dream of every woman. Sorry guys, but the dream of every woman is eating all the time and not to get fat.

Yo moma is so fat, and so nasty, when she sat down on the toilet, grown men fall out of her screaming "We're free! We're free!"

Did you hear about the man who spent too much of his company's money on Viagra? Now he's hard up.