Joke #3263

Why are men like blenders? You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
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has 39.90 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: men

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I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labour and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!" The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife’s room. About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith’s wife has just had triplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company." The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air." The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."
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has 77.68 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: dad, hospital, men, nurse, wife
Three men were at a bar discussing coincidences. The first man said, "My wife was reading A Tale of Two Cities and she gave birth to twins." "That’s funny," the second man remarked, "My wife was reading The Three Musketeers and she gave birth to triplets." The third man shouted, "Oh my, I have to rush home!" When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, "When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves!"
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has 80.05 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: men
A man goes to his doctor after losing a lot of weight. "I feel great, but I have a problem, doctor. I was so fat beforehand that my skin has stretched and stayed that long. Is there anything you can give me?" "Hmm, short of plastic surgery, there is only one alternative. Please take off your clothes." The man strips down. The doctor pulls all his skin upwards and ties it in a ball above his head. "But doctor -- now my navel is in the middle of my forehead!" "True," replies the doctor, "and you should see what you have for a collar and tie."
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has 39.32 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: men
How are men like noodles? They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
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has 64.78 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: men
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.
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has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: men
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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has 48.02 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: men
What is a man's idea of foreplay? A half hour of begging.
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has 63.22 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: men, sex
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: men
Wouldn’t it be great if men were made by Kodak! They would automatically shut off when they weren’t being used. You wouldn’t have to wait for them to recharge after each shot. They last longer and come with a warranty. You can try them out first for a two-week trial period and return them if not satisfied with no risks or hassle. They exist to capture the moment, not ruin it. They come in fashion colors. You can keep them in maximum zoom. They come with replaceable or adjustable parts. The parts that count are portable. They don’t mind over-exposure. They respond to the slightest touch. The one you want is available at a KMART near you.
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has 54.16 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: men
How are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
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has 35.23 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: husband, men, work