A blonde was at home watching TV with her friends when she heard a noise. She ran out just in time to see a thief drive off in her car.
"Did you see their face?" her friends asked when she came back inside.
"No, but it's okay, I got the license plate number!"
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A blonde comes home to find her husband in bed with a redhead.
She grabs a gun and holds it to her own head.
The husband begs her not to shoot herself.
The blonde shouts at her husband, ‘Shut up!
You’re next!’
Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
A blonde keeps checking her mail box.
A neighbour notices her repeated trips to the kerb and asks if she’s waiting for a special delivery.
‘No,’ she replies.
‘But my computer keeps telling me I have mail.’
Q. Did you hear about the funny blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A. She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
Q: How do you know a blonde's having a bad day?
A: Her tampon's behind her ear and she can't find her pencil...
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette all enter the International Breast Stroke Swim across the English Channel.
After about 8 hours, the brunette makes it across, followed shortly by the redhead.
No sign of the blonde.
After 12 hours they decide they'd better go look for her when she pretty much washes up on shore.
They rush over to her and wrap her in warm blankets and give her a hot drink.
After a few minutes, she is breathing easier and says, "I don't like to tattle, but I think those other ladies were using their arms!"
A blonde, who had just dyed her hair, went to the hospital because her whole body hurt.
She told the doctor that where ever she touched herself it would hurt.
The doctor told her to demonstrate.
She touched her nose and it hurt.
She touched her stomach and it hurt.
The doctor asked her if she was a blonde and she said yes.
"Look Here Lady, your finger is broken!"
Two blondes finds a mirror on the sidewalk.
The first blonde picks it up, looks into it, and says, "Hey, I know this person! I've seen her somewhere before."
The second blonde takes the mirror, looks into it, and says, "Duh! Of course you have that's me!"
A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, "Cruise Special -- $99!".
She goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says, "I'd like the $99 cruise special, please."
The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, where he pushes her in and sends her floating.
A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and asks for the $99 special. She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river.
Drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde.
They float side by side for a while before the first blonde asks, "Do they serve refreshments on this cruise?
The second blonde replies, " They didn't last year."