If you're scared of dying alone then become a bus driver.
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how do you keep a black person out of your backyard?
Hang one in the front.
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Q: What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Adolf Hitler?
A: Michael Phelps can finish a race.
The best thing after an intensive argument is the peace-sex.
But I hate when I argue with my father-in-law.
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Q: What's the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies?
A: Hey y'all... Watch this!
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A man answers the telephone to find a doctor from the hospital's emergency room on the other end.
"Sir," explains the doctor, "Your wife was in a serious car accident. I have bad news and good news."
The man, taken back, asks hesitatntly, "What's the bad news?"
"The bad news is your wife has lost all use of both arms and both legs. She will likely be on a respirator for the rest of her life."
"Heavens, Doc, what's the good news?"
The doctor replies, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
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Chuck Norris occasionally smokes large cigars.
The last one was called the Hindenburg.
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Q: Why did hitter kill himself?
A: Because he could not pay the gas bill.
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In the war, a German ship suspected that they were being tracked by an Irish submarine.
Unfortunately, they had used up all of their depth-charges.
As an alternative, one of their Divers decided to swim down to the submarine and knock on the door.
Some people just need a hug… Around the neck… with a rope.
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You might be a redneck if the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
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