If you're scared of dying alone then become a bus driver.
John Leslie has been accused of raping a disabled black girl on Blue Peter. He blamed it on dyslexia & said he thought the script said, use sticky black spastic.
"I'm going to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage. But it is just a formality." "Who told you that?" "Gynecologist."
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers". She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?" To which he responds: "No, you've got bowel cancer."
Q: Whats worse then finding half a worm in your apple? A: The Holocaust.
Q: What do you do when you see a black man with half a face? A: Stop laughing and reload.
Always go to other people’s funerals, or they won’t go to yours.
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine. I guess that was why several of us died of tuberculosis.
My wife and I have reached a decision that we do not want children. If anybody does please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Q: How does every black joke start? A: With the white guy looking over his shoulder.
Doctor to patient: "Why are you nervous?" Patient: "Because this is the first item I am going to have An operation." Doctor: "But I am not nervous though this is going to be my first operation."