If you're scared of dying alone then become a bus driver.
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An Asian walks into a McDonald's and says, "I'll Have An Eggroll and Some Fry Rye."
"I'm sorry sir we don't serve that. Would you like anything else?"
"I have quarter pounder. And when would you like to pick that up...Hiroshima!"
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Q: What has 2 arms, 3 legs, and 4 feet?
A: The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
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My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick.
No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.
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Q: What happened to Jesus when he said "Catch me outside, how bout dat"?
A: He got crucified
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Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer."
"Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!"
God replies, "You better send them up here immediately."
Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them."
God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you."
Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
Two guys are bungee-jumping one day.
The first guy says to the second.
"You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico."
The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they’ll need – a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.
They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square.
As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble.
Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.
The first guy jumps.
He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches.
Unfortunately, the second guy isn’t able catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again.
This time, he is bruised and bleeding.
Again, the second guy misses him.
The first guy falls again and bounces back up.
This time, he comes back pretty messed up – he’s got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.
Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"
The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine, but what the heck is a 'pinata'?"
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A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?"
"Yes," replies the murderer. "Can you please hold my hand?"
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Q: How do you kill 1000 Jews at once?
A: Throw a dollar off a cliff.
Q: What is brown, small, and smells of caramel?
A: A diabetic who's been struck by lightning.
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Q: What does FUBU really stand for?
A: Farmers used to buy us.
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