Q: What's the only thing faster than a black man running away with your TV? A: His son running away with your VCR.
I got in trouble during high school for masturbating in the showers. Apparently it completely ruined the trip to Auschwitz.
Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today. I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.
Q: What's more offensive than a truck full of dead babies? A: Taking them out with pitchforks.
My wife and I had been debating whether it was time to start a family when we saw a couple of cute kids, splashing and giggling in a paddling pool. I looked at her and said, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" She smiled and said, "Yes, Gary..." "That settles it, then," I replied. "We can't raise children if we're both paedos."
Q: How do you kill 1000 Jews at once? A: Throw a dollar off a cliff.
A woman gave her two sons to different families for adoption. One goes to an Egyptian family and called Amal. The second child goes to Spain and is called Juan. Many years later, Juan sends his mother a photo of himself. She turns to her sister saying that she wished that she had a photo of her other son. The sister responded "Hey, they are identical twins. If you have seen Juan, you have seen Amal."
A: How do children in Baghdad do? A: Bombastically.
Q: How do you get a Jew to win a race? A: Drop a quarter at the finish line.