Q: What's the only thing faster than a black man running away with your TV?
A: His son running away with your VCR.
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Two guys are bungee-jumping one day.
The first guy says to the second.
"You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico."
The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they’ll need – a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.
They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square.
As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble.
Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.
The first guy jumps.
He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches.
Unfortunately, the second guy isn’t able catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again.
This time, he is bruised and bleeding.
Again, the second guy misses him.
The first guy falls again and bounces back up.
This time, he comes back pretty messed up – he’s got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.
Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"
The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine, but what the heck is a 'pinata'?"
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Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A: A pedophile.
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"Did you hear about the undertaker who buried someone in the wrong place?"
"He was sacked for making a grave mistake."
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What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.
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Q: Why are jelly beans alot like the world?
A: Because everyone hates the black ones.
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Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
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What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller?
A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler!
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What is a cannibal's favorite food?
Baked Beings.
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What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
Art.
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How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?
Stick a javelin through it's head.
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