Q: What's the only thing faster than a black man running away with your TV?
A: His son running away with your VCR.
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A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.
"Let's have sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.
"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac.
There was silence, and then the masochist said: "Meow."
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What do you call a black woman thats had 5 or more abortions?
Crime fighter.
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What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals?
A bus load of babies on fire.
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Q: What do the Jews hate most about the Holocaust?
A: The cost.
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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
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Q: What is brown, small, and smells of caramel?
A: A diabetic who's been struck by lightning.
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I have to be honest, I am English myself but some of the American jokes on this site just completely ruin it for me.
I mean, what the shit happened on the ninth of November anyway?
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Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation?
He said, "So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses."
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What's the last thing that went through Princess Diana's mind?
The dashboard.
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If you throw a kitten out of a moving car, would it be considered kitty litter?
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