Two college roommates are about to go to bed.
The guy in the top bunk has his girlfriend sleeping over.
To try and keep quiet, they devise a code.
His girlfriend will say "tomato" if she wants him to go slower and "lettuce" for him to go faster.
As they begin to have sex, the girl starts to moan, "Lettuce, lettuce, tomato, tomato!"
The roommate on the bottom bunk wakes up the next morning and says, "Stop making sandwiches at night.
You got mayonnaise in my eye!"
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A college business professor could not help but notice that one of his students was late to class for the third time that week.
Before class ended he went around the room asking students some questions about the day's lecture.
Of course, he made sure to pick on his tardy pupil.
"And who was it that developed the theories behind communism?" the professor asked.
"I don't know," the student said.
"Perhaps if you came to class on time, Mr. Reebs, you would know," said the professor.
"That's not true," the student replied. "I never pay attention anyway!"
The child comes home from his first day at school.
Mother: “What did you learn today?”
Kid: “Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow.”
Sunday school teacher asked Little Johnny, "Do you believe in the Devil?"
"No," said Little Johnny. "It's the same as Santa Claus. I know it's my daddy."
Teacher: Why can’t you work in an orange juice factory?
Student: I don’t know. Why?
Teacher: Because you can’t concentrate!
A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what?
We learned how to make babies today."
The mother, more that a little surprised, tried to keep her cool.
"That's interesting," she said, "How do you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
The average speed of ejaculation is 45km/h, which is probably why I was arrested for doing it outside a school.
Mom: What did you do at school today?
Mark: We did a guessing game.
Mom: But I thought you were having a math exam.
Mark: That’s right!
Dad: "I heard you missed school yesterday."
Little Johnny: "Not a bit."
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When chuck Norris was in school, he made his PE teacher run laps.
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