Joke #4994

Father: Son this time, you have to score 90% marks in your exams. Son: No father I'll score 100% marks. Father: Why are you kidding? Son: Who started?

Q: Would you burn your education certificate for 50 million us dollars? Me: I will burn my certificate, I will burn the school, the nearby schools and even the ministry of education I will also burn all the textbooks.

The parents were very disappointed in the grades that their son brought home. “The only consolation I can find in these awful grades,” lamented the father, “is that I know he never cheated during his exams.”

Jordan: My teacher says I have to write more clearly. Mom: That’s a good idea, Jordan. Jordan: No, it’s not. Then she’ll know I can’t spell.

Q: A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in fifth grade. Who has the biggest tits? A: The blonde, because she's 18.

Teacher: Name two days of the week that start with "t". Pupil: Today and Tomorrow.

After Sunday school, the teacher released the kids to go to church and reminded them, "You all know to be very nice and quiet in the church. And why is that?"  Little Johnny offers, "Miss, it's so we wouldn't wake all those people sleeping."

A retired man purchased a home near a high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace, then the new school year began. One afternoon early into the first semester, three loud young boys came down his street, beating merrily on every bin they came across. They then did so the following day and the day after that, until finally the retiree decided it was time to take some action. The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the boys as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said: "You kids are a lot of fun. I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favour? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing". The boys were more than happy and continued to bang the bins. After a few days, the old man greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. "This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "I'm going to have to cut it down to 50 cents a day to keep banging the bins." The kids were obviously unimpressed but they accepted the reduction in payment and continued their afternoon activities. A few days later, the man approached them again. "Look," he said, "I haven't received my payment yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?" "That's it?" the 'drum leader' exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time beating these around for 25 cents each a day, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!" And the man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I". Student: I is the.... Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I". Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Q: How can you tell if a University of Tennessee football player is married? A: There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup truck.

Peter: What’s the difference between a teacher and a train? Ted: What? Peter: A teacher says, “Spit out that gum!” and a train says, “Chew! Chew!”