Joke #5055

Arguing with a lawyer is like mud wrestling with a pig: after a while you realize that the pig actually enjoys it.
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has 86.43 % from 181 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months or years. A competent attorney can delay one even longer.
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Q: How many lawyers does it take to build a wall? A: Depends on how deep you stack them.
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Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter? A: Sue. Q: And his son? A: Bill.
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A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
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has 44.92 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, love, Valentines day
A guy was talking with his friend: I’ve managed to separate from my wife in common agreement: she gets the house and I get the car and desk. Ok, but how about your finances? The lawyer takes care of those...
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has 31.56 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: car, lawyer, money, wife
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? A: Clothes.
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has 59.89 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: dirty, insulting, lawyer, mean, sex
A beautiful woman enters a bar and sits next to a lawyer. "Listen honey," she says, "For $50, I’ll do absolutely anything you want." The lawyer looks around, pulls fifty dollars from his wallet and says, "Paint my house."
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has 80.33 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: beauty, lawyer, money, women
A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party: "What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked. "Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant," replied the lawyer. "What do you do?" The minister replied, "Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. The other day I meant to say 'the devil is the father of liars,' but instead I said 'the devil is the father of lawyers,' so I let it go."
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has 62.91 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, political
A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was standing. St. Peter greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, “I don’t mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?” St. Peter replied, “Well, I’ve added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!”
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has 48.13 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: age, heaven, lawyer, work
How do you call 5000 lawyers dead at the seashore? A good start...
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has 21.85 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: lawyer