Arguing with a lawyer is like mud wrestling with a pig: after a while you realize that the pig actually enjoys it.
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Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
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Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.
Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the judge.
Did you hear about the lawyer who was hurt in an accident?
The ambulance he was chasing stopped too suddenly.
What did the judge say when the skunk was on trial?
Odour in court.
A command was given to a dog: "SPEAK!"
The dog said in return: "Not without my lawyer present!"
How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine?
Only one if you run him through slowly!
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother.
On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
"The tombstone back there said...
'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'