Joke #3786

If a lawyer and a tax official were both drowning and you could only save one of them, what would you do; go to lunch or read the paper?
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What’s the difference between a lawyer and a spermatozoid? Only one from 30.000 gets a man.
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Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A: A good start!
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Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faces the opposing lawyers. ‘Both of you have given me a bribe,’ he says. ‘You, Tom, gave me £15,000. And you, Harry, gave me £10,000.’ The judge reaches into his pocket, pulls out a cheque, and hands it to Tom. ‘I’m returning £5,000, and we’ll now decide this case solely on its merits.’
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.
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A lawyer with insomnia consults his doctor. ‘Which side is it best to lie on?’ he asks. ‘The side that pays your fee,’ replies the doctor.
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He was a very keen lawyer, he even named his daughter ‘Sue’.
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A lawyer finds out he has a brain tumor, and it's inoperable - in fact, it's so large, they have to do a brain transplant. His doctor gives him a choice of available brains - there's a jar of rocket scientist brains for $10 an ounce, a jar of regular scientist brains for $15 an ounce, and a jar of lawyer brains for the princely sum of $800 an ounce. The outraged lawyer says, "This is a ripoff - how come the lawyer brains are so damned expensive?" The doctor replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get an ounce of brains?"
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I once meet a honest, caring, politician that listened when I spoke and tried to help the country. Then I woke up.
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Chuck Norris once went to court for a crime, the judge pleaded guilty.
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What can a goose do, a duck can’t, and a lawyer should? Stick his bill up his rear.
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