If a lawyer and a tax official were both drowning and you could only save one of them, what would you do; go to lunch or read the paper?
Yo' Mama is so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for fries and a shake.
Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat. Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, 'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!' The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches.
Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers? A: To practice.
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? A: About three pounds, including the urn.
Why don’t you see lawyers on the beach? Cats keep covering them with sand.
Q: What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw? A: Outlaws are wanted.
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You’re cute!” Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.” She said “What happened to ‘beautiful’?” His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”
A jury consists of twelve people chosen to decide who has the best lawyer.
Two lawyers are walking down the road when they see a beautiful woman walking towards them. ‘What a babe,’ one says. ‘I’d sure like to screw her!’ ‘Really?’ replies the other. ‘Out of what?’
Q: Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop? A: Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and nightcrawlers