If a lawyer and a tax official were both drowning and you could only save one of them, what would you do; go to lunch or read the paper?
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Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious looking bear.
The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.
The second lawyer looked at him and said, "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!"
"I don't have to," the first lawyer replied. "I only have to outrun you."
Q: And do you have a locker in that room?
A: Yes sir, I do.
A prominent lawyer calls a plumber to fix a leak in his shower.
After about 25 minutes the plumber hands him a bill for $200.00.
The lawyer, enraged, says:
“I’m a famous trial lawyer, and even I don’t make that kind of money for 25 minutes work!”
“Neither did I when I was a lawyer”, says the plumber.
Arguing with a lawyer is like mud wrestling with a pig: after a while you realize that the pig actually enjoys it.
What would you do if your were in a large room, all sealed up, no windows, the door was locked, and there were 5 hungry tigers, 32 vultures, 17 spitting cobras, 213 tarantulas, 1 laywer, and you had a gun with only two bullets?
Shoot the lawyer twice.
Question: How can you tell that an attorney is about to lie?
Answer: His lips begin to move.
How many lawyers dose it take to change a light bulb?
3, 1 to climb the ladder, 1 to shake it, and 1 to sue the ladder company.
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What do you call a bus full of lawyers going over a cliff with three empty seats?
A total waste of space!
Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice.
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