A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.
What do computers eat when they get hungry? "Chips."
Q: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? A: Because Oct 31 == Dec 25!
Where does the acronym LOTUS come from? Let Only Users Suffer.
Customer: “I can’t seem to connect to the Internet.” Tech Support: “Ah, right. What operating system are you running?” Customer: “Netscape.” Tech Support: “No, what version of Windows are you using?” Customer: “Uhhh…Hewlett Packard?” Tech Support: “No, Right click on ‘My Computer,’ and select properties on the menu.” Customer: “Your computer? It’s my computer!”
How do you tell an introverted computer scientist from an extroverted computer scientist? An extroverted computer scientist looks at your shoes when he talks to you.
The box said "Requires Windows Vista or better". So I installed LINUX.
Q: Why did the programmer quit his job? A: Because he didn't get arrays.
Linux is like a wigwam: no windows, no gates, apache inside...
Bill Gates is at the beach when he discovers a bottle, he opens it and a Genie appears. The Genie says, "I have been trapped for 1000 years. As a reward you can make a wish." Gates thinks about it as he carries the bottle back to his beach cottage. Once there, he goes to a bookshelf, pulls out an atlas and turns to a map of the Middle East. This area has seen conflict and suffering for hundreds of years. What I wish for is peace in the Middle East. The Genie replies, "I don't know I can do a lot, but this? Don't you have another wish?" Bill Gates thinks and finally says, OK. The whole world hates Microsoft because we have conquered the software market and because Windows still crashes. I wish you would make everybody love us. The Genie says, "Let me see that map again."
Linux is like wigwam: no Gates, no Windows and Apache inside.