The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
If the box says: "This software requires Windows XP or better" Does that mean it'LL run on Linux?
When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
Q: How many Apple Iphone 6 early adopters does it take to change a light bulb? A: 3001. 1 to do the work and 3000 to go online and bitch about the lack of obscure features!
Q: What do you call a programmer from Finland? A: Nerdic.
Why was the computer tired when he got home? Because he had a hard drive.
When Chuck Norris surfs the Internet, he actually surfs on a virtual wave of 1's and 0's.
Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.
Q: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? A: Because Oct 31 == Dec 25!
I dropped my laptop into the ocean the other day. Now I have a Dell rolling in the deep.