This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her p*ssy. "Put your finger in me..." she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in...", she says. So in goes another one. She's really starting to get worked up when she says,"Put your whole hand in!". The guy's like, "Ok!". So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of me!". So the guy puts both of his hands in! "Now clap your hands..." commands the girl. "I can't", says the guy. The girl looks at him and says "See, I told you I had a tight p*ssy!".
What do your parents' car and testicles have in common? Hit either one of them and you're grounded.
What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbit? Are you gonna eat that?
Friend pisses me off so I poked holes in his condom the night before he uses it. Three months later... my mom's pregnant.
Whats the difference between a coffin and a condom? One you go in the other you come in!
What do you give the princess who has everything? A seatbelt and an airbag.
Q: How do you circumcise a whale? A: With four skin-divers.
Yo momma so fat when I crawl in her pussy I can't find my way out.
Little Johnny: "Dad why your dick's hairs are black but the hairs of your head are are going to be white?" Dad: "My dear the first one is thinking but the second is enjoying."
A man walks into his doctor's office and whines, "Doc, you've got to help me; I've got a strawberry stuck up my ass." The doctor pulls out his prescription pad and says, "I've got cream for that!"
Kamasutra says: If you suck one nipple, the women herself offers the other one. And that was the origin of "buy one get one free"!