So an old man, a Catholic priest, and a pedophile walk into a bar, and that's just one person!
What do you call 100 niggers on the bottom of the sea? A good start.
There was a 3 car accident in Mexico yesterday, 84 people were found dead.
My friend's father died last night so I asked him "What was the cause of his father's death?" He said, "A bus passed over his finger!" I laughed and told him: "It is not a suitable cause." My friend said: "When the bus crashed, his finger was on his nose!"
What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary's ear? He had his first taste of Christianity!
Q: How do you kill 1000 Jews at once? A: Throw a dollar off a cliff.
My Chinese friend got really sick one day and had to go to a hospital. I went to see him the next day, but he just kept whispering "Chun Yu Yan" over and over – and then died. I was very sad and googled his last message after the burial. Apparently, it means "You're standing on my oxygen tube."
Dr. Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it he just couldn't. The guilt was overwhelming. But every once in a while he would hear in internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Dave don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won't be the last. Just let It go Dave." But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality whispering: "Dave... Daaaave... you're a veterinarian you sick bastard!"
There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits.