So an old man, a Catholic priest, and a pedophile walk into a bar, and that's just one person!
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My dad died on 9-11.
He was the best amateur bomber on Iraq's flight team.
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Mummy, mummy, why is daddy swaying in the backyard?
Shut up, and give me more bullets.
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Anal sex is like your first car - you dont really want it, but your dad gave it to you anyways.
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Two best friends are lying on the beach and discussing:
"Last night I saw a terrible nightmare…"
"What did you see?"
"I saw my mother-in-law swimming in the sea and being chase by a shark…"
"Wow horror!"
"Horror?! You say nothing! She almost got away!"
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Q: What's red, white, and cries a lot?
A: A baby with a razor!
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Fred and DooDah go to their favorite lake to fish.
After getting out on the water, DooDah hooks a huge fish, which pulls him overboard, and he drowns.
Fred is brokenhearted and goes to tell DooDah's wife the news.
She opens the door and hears Fred sing:
"Guess who drowned in the lake today? DooDah! DooDah!"
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There are only two things to worry about:
Either you are well, or you are sick.
If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about.
But if your sick, there are two things to worry about.
Either you will get well, or you will die.
If you get well, there is nothing to worry about.
But if you die, there are only two things to worry about.
Either you will go to heaven or hell.
If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about.
But if you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends, you won't have time to worry.
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I'm going to celebrate Halloween the same way I always do... by murdering a bunch of teens by the lake.
Sincerely, Michael Myers
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Q: Did you hear her eyes were blue?
A: Yeah, one blew this way, one blew that way...
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What's the difference between an apple and a black man?
None!
They both hang from trees.
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