So an old man, a Catholic priest, and a pedophile walk into a bar, and that's just one person!
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How did they know that the driver had dandruff?
They found his head and shoulders in the glove box.
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Q: What's blue and doesn't fit?
A: A dead epileptic.
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What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller?
A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler!
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A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate.
His orders were clear.
No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield.
A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back.
The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?"
The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler."
"I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield."
The general said, "Drive on!"
The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker."
The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!"
The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the driver?"
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Q: What is the difference between baby and knitting?
A: Knitting is weaved by two needles and one ball, but the baby has been made with one needle and two balls!
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My grandfather can no longer do the things he loved to do as a teenager.
Flying planes, bombing Germans...
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Q: How many Jews can you fit in a car?
A: 2 in the back 2 in the front and 6.23 million in the ashtray.
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Q: Why can't orphans play baseball?
A: They don't know where home is.
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Did you hear about the cannibal family who were caught spying by the witch-doctor?
They were given a right roasting.
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I wish I could see things from your point of view, unfortunately I can't stick my head that far up my ass.
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