So an old man, a Catholic priest, and a pedophile walk into a bar, and that's just one person!
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One man enters in an ambulant and says to the doctor:
Help me, please.
I have a knife in my back.
The doctor, looking his watch says:
Now is 2:20 PM, and I work till 2, so as you can imagine I've finished for today, and I can’t help you.
Be so kind and come tomorrow morning, at 8.
But tomorrow morning I will be dead.
You must help me now.
The doctor, angrily says:
I explained to you gently that I've finished my shift for today, and that I can't do nothing for you. You must pass here tomorrow.
But, until tomorrow I will lose all my blood, and I will be dead.
Don’t you see that I have a knife in the back.
The doctor, already very angry and irritate extracts the knife from the back, and put it in the patients’ eye.
Now you can go to ophthalmologist, he works till 3 PM.
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Q: Why do you put babies into a blender feet first?
A: So you can see the look in their eyes when you turn it on!
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What do you call a black woman thats had 5 or more abortions?
Crime fighter.
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A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly.
Suddenly, Lorraine died.
At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
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Cannibals capture three men.
The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes.
Then they are each given a final request.
The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible.
His request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family.
This request is granted, and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes.
Now it is the third man's turn.
He asks for a fork.
The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give him a fork.
As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, "To hell with your canoes!"
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Q: What's the slowest thing on 80 wheels?
A: A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables.
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Why was the cannibal looking peeky?
Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
I'm Mr, Farter.
Mr, Farter who?
I've brought some insecticides to give to your mother in law!
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Are you lost, ma'am?
Because Heaven's a long way from here.
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"Excuse me, how do I get to the hospital quickly?"
"Just stand in the middle of the road for a while."
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