What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ?
Crib death.
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Chuck Norris has travelled many places and seen many faces.
So too has his boot.
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Q. Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 10 years?
A. Michael Jackson
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John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital.
One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool.
David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act.
He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital as he is OK.
Doctor: "We have good news and bad news for you, David. The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal person. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died."
David: "Doctor, he didn’t hang himself. I hung him there to dry."
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A ship goes out to sea and crashes.
6 people (1 woman and 5 men) survive and use a safety raft to float to this deserted island.
Well, after spending several weeks on the island, they all begin to get really lonely and sexually deprived.
So they come to this agreement.
All of the men will marry the one woman for a week.
So the first man has her for one week, the second man has her for the second week, and so on.
Everyone will now be getting sex and they all agree to it.
This goes on for five years and everyone is happy.
Each man gets sex every fifth week and the woman gets to have sex whenever she wants with a different man every week.
Well, a few weeks into the fifth year, the woman dies.
The first week is pretty bad, the second week is still pretty bad, the third week is getting worse, the fourth week things are just bad, real bad, and the fifth week is just awful.
It’s getting so very bad that on the sixth week they buried her.
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Q: Why did the boy fall off the swing?
A: He didn't have any arms.
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A large number of Black soldiers died in Iraq war because every time their chief said:
"Get on the floor!" they stood up and started dancing.
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And these kids do not deserve a present from me, because they have not been eating well this year, - said Santa Claus, flying over the starving kids in Sudan.
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The reason why women will never be the ones who propose is that as soon as they get on their knees, man starts unzipping.
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Q: What is the difference between baby and knitting?
A: Knitting is weaved by two needles and one ball, but the baby has been made with one needle and two balls!
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Two hunters are out in the wood when one of them collapses.
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services.
He gasps to the operator:"My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies:"Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the hunter seys,"Ok, now what?"
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