Joke #5126

What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ? Crib death.

I'm going trick or treating with my mum tonight. It's the only time I can take her out as she's been dead for ten years.

It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds. An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.

So a little kid and a child molester start walking into a forest. They keep walking for what seems like hours, and it gets darker and darker and darker, and the forest gets deeper and deeper and deeper. The kid turns to the child molester and he says "Gee mister, it sure is scary out here!" The child molester says "How do you think I feel, kid? I'm gonna have to walk out of this forest by myself!"

Q: What was Hitler's favorite drink? A: Concentrated jews.

"Daddy, there is a man at the door. He says he is collecting for the nursing home." "That's perfect. Tell him grandpa is coming in a moment."

A Georgian man sits in the dock at the court, with his neck bended down. The judge: "Why did you rape the girl?" "I liked her." "Why did you raped the boy?" "I liked him." "Sir, why don't you look to my eyes when you talk to me?" "I'm afraid I'll like you…"

Q: What's more offensive than a truck full of dead babies? A: Taking them out with pitchforks.

Q: How do you get 15,000 followers? A: Run through Africa with a water bottle.

Daughter: "That's it! I'll mary Arthur!" Mother: "But he is a lazy guy and heavy-drinker!" Father: "But you have to start with something!"

I saw a man with one arm shopping in a second hand store. I thought "You are never going to find here what you are looking for"...