Joke #5127

How do you get a baby to run faster? Chase it with the lawn mower.
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Late in the night he regained consciousness. He found himself in agonizing pain in the hospital's ICU, with tubes up his nose, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him. He realized he'd obviously been in a serious accident. She gave him a deep look straight into the eyes, and he heard her slowly say, "You may not feel anything from the waist down." Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your tits, then?" That, my friends, is a positive attitude!
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My Girlfriend wanted me to treat her like a princess for her birthday. So I took her out, got her drunk, and crashed the car.
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Why would the cannibal only eat babies? He was on a diet!
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Old man: "Can you give me an erection?" Faith Healer: "I can make the blind see, make the lame walk and I can even cure cancer. But, I'm sorry I cannot raise the 'dead'."
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Q: What was the last thing her husband said to her? A: I'll feed the dog, you feed the fish.
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More jokes about: animal, black humor, dog, fish, husband
What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals? A bus load of babies on fire.
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I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today. Unfortunately, it's only for victims.
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Two hunters are out in the wood when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator:"My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies:"Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead. There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the hunter seys,"Ok, now what?"
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How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole? Stick a javelin through it's head.
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More jokes about: baby, black humor, dirty
I got in trouble during high school for masturbating in the showers. Apparently it completely ruined the trip to Auschwitz.
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