How do you get a baby to run faster?
Chase it with the lawn mower.
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What's the difference betwee Elton John and Princess Diana ?
One's composing, the other is decomposing.
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Always go to other people’s funerals, or they won’t go to yours.
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Q: Why doesn't Mexico have any teams competing in the Olympics?
A: Because all of the Mexicans that can run, swim, and jump have left the country.
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how do you keep a black person out of your backyard?
Hang one in the front.
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Q: Where do one-legged people eat?
A: IHOP.
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Q: When does a pedophile go to sleep?
A: When the big hand touches the small one.
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Q: What do you call a Jew with a mental disability?
A: Auschwitztic.
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What is the difference between a fridge and a kid?
A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.
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What's purple, covered in pus and squeals?
A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
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