How do you get a baby to run faster?
Chase it with the lawn mower.
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Similar jokes
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I'm going trick or treating with my mum tonight.
It's the only time I can take her out as she's been dead for ten years.
One step forward, 12 floors down.
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Doctor to patient: "Why are you nervous?"
Patient: "Because this is the first item I am going to have An operation."
Doctor: "But I am not nervous though this is going to be my first operation."
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A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home.
In the den was a stuffed lion.
The visiting hunter asked, “When did you bag him?”
The host said proudly, “That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife.”
“What’s he stuffed with,” asked the visiting hunter.
“My ex-wife” replied the hunter.
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Q: What did one female terrorist say to the other?
A: "Does my bomb look big in this?"
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Black Jokes are not funny I have a black guy in my family way up in my family tree.
He's been hanging there for quite a while.
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Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?
A: They aren't much to look at but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.
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What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A baby playing in a plastic bag.
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A man wakes up and finds himself in a hospital room, one with only himself in it.
He has no recollection of how he got there.
While pondering it, his bedside phone rings, and he answers it.
A doctor on the other end identifies himself, and tells the man: "I have really bad news. You're very sick. After your collapse yesterday, we ordered several tests, and got the results back this morning. I'm afraid you have Avain flu, Ebola, and you're positive for HIV and hepatitis."
Stunned, the man asks "Well, what's next!? What are you going to do?"
The doc replies: "Well, for starters, we're putting you on a strict diet of only pizza."
The patient asks: "Will that really help me, doctor?"
"No", the doc responds. "But it's all we can fit under the door."
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Q: Did you hear her eyes were blue?
A: Yeah, one blew this way, one blew that way...
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