Joke #5127

How do you get a baby to run faster? Chase it with the lawn mower.
Vote:
has 55.51 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: black humor

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Q: What do you call an afghan virgin A: Never bin laid on.
Vote:
has 41.13 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: black humor, military
So it's the weekend, and I'm on my back patio when I get this idea to call up my coroner friend Bob. "Bob's not here," his wife says, "he's at work." "Sheesh!" I think. "Poor guy doing autopsies on a Sunday." So I call him on his cell. "What gives, bro,?" I ask. "Homicide," he says. "The higher-ups need a report ASAP. I'll be starting in just a few minutes." I Josh Bob a little. "I'll be thinking of you, buddy. Right now, I'm basting barbecue sauce on a rack of baby-backs and I'm getting ready to open a frosty beer." "Not much different here," he says. "I'm about ready to crack open a cold one myself."
Vote:
has 64.09 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: black humor, food, friendship, time, work
There are four people from different counties on the Empire State Building. One is Japanese, one is French, one is Mexican, and one is American. They all want to throw something off the building that they have a lot of in their country. The Japanese guy goes first. He throws off sushi. There is a lot of sushi in my country. Next is the French guy. He throws off a condom. There is too much love in my country. Next is the Mexican. He throws off a taco. There is too much taco in my country. Next goes the American. He looks around him and picks the Mexican up and throws him of the building and says: There are too much Mexicans in my country.
Vote:
has 52.30 % from 108 votes. More jokes about: black humor, racist
Q: What was the last thing her husband said to her? A: I'll feed the dog, you feed the fish.
Vote:
has 36.82 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, black humor, dog, fish, husband
Two cannibals were having their dinner. One said to the other "I don't like your friend." The other one said, "Well, put him to one side and just eat the vegetables."
Vote:
has 70.92 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: black humor, food
The only church which is disseminating light and warmth is the burning church.
Vote:
has 18.43 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: black humor, church
A few days after her husband's death, a grieving widow accidentally receives an e-mail from a man waiting for his wife in Miami. The e-mail reads: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P.S. Sure is hot down here.
Vote:
has 80.67 % from 605 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, husband, wife
Q: What is the worst thing an emergency doctor can tell you after admitting your MIL? A: Sir, we were able to save her!
Vote:
has 63.79 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, life, mother in law
How do you prepare a dead baby for Valentine's Day? You shove a box of chocolates down his throat and a bouquet of roses up his ass.
Vote:
has 22.40 % from 182 votes. More jokes about: black humor, chocolate, dead baby, morbid, Valentines day
Steve lies dying, as Jack, his law partner of 40 years, sits at his bedside. "Jack, I've got to confess -- I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years, I'm the father of your daughter, and I've been stealing from the firm for a decade." "Relax," says Jack, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini."
Vote:
has 84.39 % from 731 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, money, wife