How do you get a baby to run faster?
Chase it with the lawn mower.
Vote:
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
Michael: "What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?"
Matthew: "I don't know. What?"
Michael: "Candy corneas."
Vote:
Joke has 54.49 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: black humor, disgusting, doctor, Halloween, morbid
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.
"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"The guy was your doctor..."
Vote:
A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly.
Suddenly, Lorraine died.
At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
Vote:
Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation?
He said, "So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses."
Vote:
How do you know Charles Sweeney was dyslexic?
He wanted to order the flaming saganagi, but he accidentally ordered a flaming Nagasaki.
Vote:
Q: Why did the cannibal tax auditor get disciplined?
A: For buttering up her clients.
Vote:
A Liberal died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral.
A woman was asked to donate ten dollars.
"Ten dollars?" she said.
"It only takes ten dollars to bury a Liberal? Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"
Vote:
Q: How do you know if a girl is pregnant?
A: Shove a tampon and see if all of the cotton is picked.
Vote:
Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson?
He thought he would give him a paunch!
Vote:
I wish I could see things from your point of view, unfortunately I can't stick my head that far up my ass.
Vote: