Some people just need a hug… Around the neck… with a rope.
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One of my friends returned from Afghanistan and I asked him if he is going to the party tomorrow.
He said he can't walk.
Q: What's the best thing about ISIS jokes?
A: The execution.
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A Jew, a German and an American walked into a small room. The Jew never came out.
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A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world.
After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart.
Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart.
He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left nipple.
The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.
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Why did Hitler go to the eye doctor?
Because he can Nazi.
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Anyone want to try the ALS gas bucket challenge HMU.
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Who's the most famous Jewish cook in history?
Hitler.
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Little Johnny was in Maths class when his teacher asked him:
"Johnny, if your Mother had to repay a loan of $100,000, and you gave her $50,000, what would she need to repay the loan?"
Johnny replied, "To repay the loan? $50,000 more. To stay alive? CPR."
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How are a lawyer and a prostitute different?
The prostitute stops fucking you after you’re dead.
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"My parachute did not work."
Said no one ever.
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