Some people just need a hug… Around the neck… with a rope.
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Q: What's the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies?
A: Hey y'all... Watch this!
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A large number of Black soldiers died in Iraq war because every time their chief said:
"Get on the floor!" they stood up and started dancing.
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A Liberal died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral.
A woman was asked to donate ten dollars.
"Ten dollars?" she said.
"It only takes ten dollars to bury a Liberal? Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"
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If you're scared of dying alone then become a bus driver.
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Chuck Norris was hungry so he went to eat a hotdog.
When he saw it giggled and said: "What a bad luck! Look what a part of a dog I've to eat!"
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I bet Rosa Parks killed it in musical chairs.
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Q: What did one female terrorist say to the other?
A: "Does my bomb look big in this?"
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What is the difference between a hippie girl and a muslim girl?
The hippie girl gets stoned before have sex.
Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones?
Because they're hand made.
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Someone going to work sees a crowd of people walking.
Looking at the beginning of course, he sees a coffin behind a gentleman with a little dog followed by the crowd.
Approaching the owner and he asks him:
"What happened here, man?"
"Pff, my mother-in-law died," he said.
"Hush how sad eh… And, if allowed, how?"
"My dog bit her…"
"You don't tell me! Could you lend him to me just for tonight?"
"Get in line!"
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