Some people just need a hug… Around the neck… with a rope.
Vote:
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
How many dead babies does it take to change a tire?
Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it incase it explodes.
Vote:
What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common?
Their last big hit was The Wall.
Vote:
So a little kid and a child molester start walking into a forest.
They keep walking for what seems like hours, and it gets darker and darker and darker, and the forest gets deeper and deeper and deeper.
The kid turns to the child molester and he says "Gee mister, it sure is scary out here!"
The child molester says "How do you think I feel, kid? I'm gonna have to walk out of this forest by myself!"
Vote:
What’s the difference between a dead baby and an onion.
You don’t cry when you chop up a dead baby.
Vote:
This old man and woman were on a cruise and it was really stormy.
They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard.
They searched for days and couldn't find her so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat it read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her very most private part was an oyster and inside it was a pearl worth $50,000 ...please advise."
So the old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap..."
Vote:
A man goes to the doctor and says "I need birth control for my 10 year old daughter"
The doctor replies "She's 10 years old and sexually active?"
The man says" Active? Hell no! Most of the time se just lies there and cries."
Vote:
What's the difference betwee Elton John and Princess Diana ?
One's composing, the other is decomposing.
Vote:
It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds.
An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.
Vote:
What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary's ear?
He had his first taste of Christianity!
Vote:
What's purple, covered in pus and squeals?
A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
Vote: