Some people just need a hug… Around the neck… with a rope.
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Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat’s milk.
The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos.
And they start reminiscing.
"This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now."
"Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully.
"He’s a martyr now though" mum confides.
"Oh, so sad, dear" says the other.
"And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21."
"Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born."
"He’s a martyr too" says mum quietly.
"Oh, gracious me…" says the other.
"And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18," she whispers.
"Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school."
"He’s a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says, "They blow up so fast, don’t they?"
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Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine.
I guess that was why several of us died of tuberculosis.
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Q: What did one female terrorist say to the other?
A: "Does my bomb look big in this?"
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There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
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A guy is walking along the beach, when he sees a woman with no arms and no legs lying on the sand, crying.
He walks over to her and asks what's wrong.
"I've never been hugged before" she says.
Thinking this is a simple enough request, the man hugs her.
She soon starts crying again. He again asks what's wrong, and she replies, "I've never been kissed before."
The man again complies with her wishes and gives her a romantic kiss.
She starts crying again, and the man, slightly irritated, asks what's her problem.
"I've never been fucked before" she says.
So he picks her up and throws her in the ocean and says, "There, now you're fucked."
Patient: "Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do?"
Doctor: "Use a pencil till I come to see your son."
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Q: What's red, white, and cries a lot?
A: A baby with a razor!
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Q: Why are Germans bad cooks?
A: The only good one killed himself.
Why did Osama Bin Laden kill his wife?
When she spread her legs he saw bush.
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What did the Boston Marathon bombers do that Hitler couldn't?
Ended a race.
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