What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding? A baby in a microwave.
What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ? Crib death.
Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary's ear? He had his first taste of Christianity!
Q: What did the deaf, blind, mute girl get for Christmas? A: Cancer.
What's pink and chunky? A baby with leprosy.
There are 3 men on a plane a Mexican an American and a Russian the Mexican says "I hate my country!" And throughs a soup out the window the American says "I hate my country" and throughs a pie out the window. The Russian says "I hate my country!" And throughs a bomb out the window. Then the plane lands and the Mexican sees a kid crying the Mexican says "what's wrong kid?" The kid says "a soup fell on my mom's head and she burnt to death." "I didn't do that" says the Mexican. The American was walking and saw a kid crying "what's wrong kid?" The kid says "my mom was driving and a pie fell on her windshield and drove off a cliff cause she couldn't see!" "I didn't do that" says the American. Then the Russian gets off the plane and saw a kid laughing his head off. The Russian says "what's so funny?" The kid says " daddy farted and the house went BOOM BOOM!"
Q: What's the best thing about ISIS jokes? A: The execution.
My Chinese friend got really sick one day and had to go to a hospital. I went to see him the next day, but he just kept whispering "Chun Yu Yan" over and over – and then died. I was very sad and googled his last message after the burial. Apparently, it means "You're standing on my oxygen tube."
There was a 3 car accident in Mexico yesterday, 84 people were found dead.