What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding?
A baby in a microwave.
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Anyone want to try the ALS gas bucket challenge HMU.
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How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them.
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An Arabic kid joined my football team.
All he did was blow the plays.
What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning?
Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.
A doctor from the inner city was conversing with an old friend from med school at a cafe when he said, "Man, can I tell you something?"
His friend nods. "Sure."
"Okay, so the other day I had this one really hot, foreign patient, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about her since..."
He goes on to tell his friend everything about her, from her long blond hair and ability to speak fluent French, to her shimmering blue eyes and soft skin.
His friend seemed more disgusted with each passing moment.
"Dude, that is not cool."
The doctor, indignant, defended himself.
"What's wrong with that? Lots of doctors are attracted to their patients."
His friend simply shook his head and replied, "Maybe, but I guarantee you none of those doctors were pediatricians..."
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What is the difference between a fridge and a kid?
A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.
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W: Where did Lucy go during the bombing?
A: Everywhere.
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Q: What's the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies?
A: Hey y'all... Watch this!
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A man answers the telephone to find a doctor from the hospital's emergency room on the other end.
"Sir," explains the doctor, "Your wife was in a serious car accident. I have bad news and good news."
The man, taken back, asks hesitatntly, "What's the bad news?"
"The bad news is your wife has lost all use of both arms and both legs. She will likely be on a respirator for the rest of her life."
"Heavens, Doc, what's the good news?"
The doctor replies, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
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What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law?
There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.
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