Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart.
"Two dogs, please," she says.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter.
Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs."
One of them opens the foil and begins to blush.
Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
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Don't break anybody's heart - they have only one.
Break their bones - they have 206.
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Did you hear about the cannibal family who were caught spying by the witch-doctor?
They were given a right roasting.
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How do you get a baby to run faster?
Chase it with the lawn mower.
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Q: How do you make a dog go ‘miaow’?
A: Freeze it in liquid nitrogen, and run it through a bandsaw…
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Q: What do black people smoke?
A: Niggerettes.
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Q: What do the Jews hate most about the Holocaust?
A: The cost.
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There are only two things to worry about:
Either you are well, or you are sick.
If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about.
But if your sick, there are two things to worry about.
Either you will get well, or you will die.
If you get well, there is nothing to worry about.
But if you die, there are only two things to worry about.
Either you will go to heaven or hell.
If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about.
But if you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends, you won't have time to worry.
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How many dead babies does it take to change a tire?
Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it incase it explodes.
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Cannibals capture three men.
The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes.
Then they are each given a final request.
The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible.
His request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family.
This request is granted, and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes.
Now it is the third man's turn.
He asks for a fork.
The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give him a fork.
As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, "To hell with your canoes!"
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I have to be honest, I am English myself but some of the American jokes on this site just completely ruin it for me.
I mean, what the shit happened on the ninth of November anyway?
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