Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart.
"Two dogs, please," she says.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter.
Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs."
One of them opens the foil and begins to blush.
Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
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There are only two things to worry about:
Either you are well, or you are sick.
If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about.
But if your sick, there are two things to worry about.
Either you will get well, or you will die.
If you get well, there is nothing to worry about.
But if you die, there are only two things to worry about.
Either you will go to heaven or hell.
If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about.
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Did you hear about the cannibal family who were caught spying by the witch-doctor?
They were given a right roasting.
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Doctor to patient: "Why are you nervous?"
Patient: "Because this is the first item I am going to have An operation."
Doctor: "But I am not nervous though this is going to be my first operation."
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A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly.
Suddenly, Lorraine died.
At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
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This could be considered the ideal world for many men:
His son on the cover of a box of Wheaties.
His mistress in the centerfold of Playboy.
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Two cannibals were having their dinner.
One said to the other "I don't like your friend."
The other one said, "Well, put him to one side and just eat the vegetables."
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Q: What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
A: Getting her out of the wheelchair.
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Q: What's the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies?
A: Hey y'all... Watch this!
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