Joke #4961

"I'm going to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage. But it is just a formality." "Who told you that?" "Gynecologist."

My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick. No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

What do you buy a dead baby for its birthday? A dead puppy!

Q: What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable? A: Getting her out of the wheelchair.

Daddy to his son: I don't care if you are dating a black girl - they are all pink on the inside.

A Jew, a German and an American walked into a small room. The Jew never came out.

Q: What's the only thing faster than a black man running away with your TV? A: His son running away with your VCR.

Two children, Johnny and Alex were sitting outside a clinic. Alex was crying very loudly. Johnny: Why are you crying? Alex: I came here for a blood test. Johnny: So? Are you afraid? Alex: No. For the blood test, they cut my finger. After hearing this Johnny started weeping making Alex feel surprised as well as curious and Alex asked: Why are you crying now? Johnny: I came for a urine test!

What's blue and thrashes about on the floor? A baby playing in a plastic bag.

So it's the weekend, and I'm on my back patio when I get this idea to call up my coroner friend Bob. "Bob's not here," his wife says, "he's at work." "Sheesh!" I think. "Poor guy doing autopsies on a Sunday." So I call him on his cell. "What gives, bro,?" I ask. "Homicide," he says. "The higher-ups need a report ASAP. I'll be starting in just a few minutes." I Josh Bob a little. "I'll be thinking of you, buddy. Right now, I'm basting barbecue sauce on a rack of baby-backs and I'm getting ready to open a frosty beer." "Not much different here," he says. "I'm about ready to crack open a cold one myself."