"I'm going to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage. But it is just a formality." "Who told you that?" "Gynecologist."
Q: What is the worst thing an emergency doctor can tell you after admitting your MIL? A: Sir, we were able to save her!
Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients? They hid their own eggs!
Death is God’s way of saying, ‘Hey, you’re not alive any more.’
Woman patient: "Doctor I was suffering so much that I wanted to die." Doctor: "You did the right thing to call me."
Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork? So you can tell which ones are still alive.
What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary's ear? He had his first taste of Christianity!
Q: What's blue and doesn't fit? A: A dead epileptic.
Q: What's the best part about sex with 28-year-olds? A: There are twenty of them.
On the day of my big job interview I woke up late. Frantically I threw on a suit. "OH NO!" I thought. "MY TIE! My Dad was out of town and wasn't there to help me, and for the life of me, I did not know how to tie a tie!" I grabbed a tie and ran out the door. "Excuse me sir," I said to the crossing guard, "I have an important job interview, can you please help me make this tie?!" "Sure," said the guard, "just lie down on this bench." Well if someone was going to help me I wasn't going to ask any questions. After he finished and the tie looked good I just had to ask why I had to lie down. "Well in my previous job I learned how to tie ties on other people when they were lying down." he replied. "What was your previous job?" I asked incredulously. "I ran a morgue." was the reply.