"I'm going to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage. But it is just a formality." "Who told you that?" "Gynecologist."
Doctor: "You have cataract in your eyes. But you need not worry It is hereditary." Patient: "Death is also hereditary. Does it mean we should not worry about it?"
How do you make a dead baby float? Take your foot off of it’s head.
Q: Did you hear Lorena Bobbitt was almost killed in a traffic accident? A: Some dick cut her off.
Two cannibals were having lunch. "Your wife makes a great soup," said one to the other. "Yes!" agreed the first. "But I'm going to miss her terribly."
What is the difference between a fridge and a kid? A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.
This old man and woman were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat it read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her very most private part was an oyster and inside it was a pearl worth $50,000 ...please advise." So the old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap..."
What goes: "Click-is that it? Click-is that it? Click-is that it?" A blind person with a rubix cube.
How do you save a nigger from drowning? You take your foot of his head!
Steve lies dying, as Jack, his law partner of 40 years, sits at his bedside. "Jack, I've got to confess -- I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years, I'm the father of your daughter, and I've been stealing from the firm for a decade." "Relax," says Jack, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini."
Why do Mexicans eat beans for dinner? So they can take bubble baths.