Why do women make better soldiers? Because they can bleed for a week and not die.
Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds? Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.
I only wanted to have a child, not marry one.
MEN Vs WOMEN 1. MEN discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT. WOMEN discovered paint and invented makeup. 2. Men discovered word and invented conversation. Women discovered conversation and invented gossip. 3. Men discovered gambling and invented cards. Women discovered cards and invented Witchery. 4. Men discovered trading and invented money. Women discovered money and invented shopping. There after Men have discovered and invented lots of things while Women STUCK TO SHOPPING.
How do you save a man from drowning? Take your foot off his head.
''Dyslexic man walks into a bra''
Two strangers meet on a golf course and decide to play together. One man says, "I'm a salesman. What about you?" "I'm a hit man for the mob," replies the second man. He pulls out a high powered rifle loaded with scopes and sights. He then asks the man where he lives. Nervously, the first man replies, "In a subdivision just west of here. Gray roof, yellow siding." "You got a silver compact and a red pickup?" "The compact is my wife's car, but that's my buddy Jeff's truck." The hit man looks through the scope again. "Well, they're going at it like teenagers in your bedroom." "I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot him in the balls." The hit man says, "I get paid $5,000 per shot." "I don't care! Just do it!" The hit man takes careful aim and says, "This is your lucky day. You're going to get a two for one!"
Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week? Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
Why do men buy electric lawn mowers? So they can find their way back to the house.
What is a man's idea of helping with housework? Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.