Two guys die in a car accident and an angel descends from heaven. "I am to give you your wings so you can fly to heaven. But if you think one dirty thought or act out one dirty act your wings will fall off." So they fly to heaven without any trouble but when they get there the first guy sees a naked woman walk by so his wings falll off. When he bends over to pick them up the second guy's wings fall off.
Why are men like laxatives? They can irritate the s**t out of you.
Men are born between the legs of women and spend all their life trying to get back between them. Why? Theres no place like home ...
An advertisement: I change 40-year-old wife to two 20-years-old ones. Do not offer four 10-year-old ones.
What's the Australian Male's idea of foreplay? "Brace yourself, Sheila."
Boy: "Hey baby, what's your sign?" Girl: "Do Not Enter!"
A man walks into a sperm Bank. He approaches a man who has just walked out of a donating cubicle. He decides to start a conversation with him. He approaches the man and says "So then, do you come here often?" The man replies "Only when the internets off" and walks off.
Statistics say that women think they are smarter than men because they can fake orgasms. Men say "Big deal. We can fake a whole relationship just for a shag."
What's the difference between a man and a messy room? You can straighten up a messy room.
Mattel is coming out with a talking Barbie. They say it was easy to get Barbie to talk. The problem was getting Ken to listen.
Men are like.....Coffee The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.