Two guys die in a car accident and an angel descends from heaven. "I am to give you your wings so you can fly to heaven. But if you think one dirty thought or act out one dirty act your wings will fall off." So they fly to heaven without any trouble but when they get there the first guy sees a naked woman walk by so his wings falll off. When he bends over to pick them up the second guy's wings fall off.
John: I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married. Did you? Bob: I'm not sure. What was your wife's maiden name?
What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man? Big Foot's been spotted several times.
How do most men compare to Mel Gibson? They have everything he has, except talent, money, and looks.
Question: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? Answer: When she starts her sentence with, “A man once told me…”
How does a man take a bubble bath? He eats beans for dinner.
Why did God create man? Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera? Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.
If you catch a man…throw him back.
John was in trouble, really big trouble. You see, he forgot his wedding anniversary and, if you're married, you can imagine what he's probably going through. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" She was serious too, so John got serious. The next morning he woke up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped, right there in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife threw her robe on and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house and opened in with much anticipation. Inside she found a brand new bathroom scale. John has been missing since Thursday.
What is a man's idea of foreplay? A half hour of begging.