Two guys die in a car accident and an angel descends from heaven.
"I am to give you your wings so you can fly to heaven.
But if you think one dirty thought or act out one dirty act your wings will fall off."
So they fly to heaven without any trouble but when they get there the first guy sees a naked woman walk by so his wings falll off.
When he bends over to pick them up the second guy's wings fall off. 
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Men are like.....Vacations.
They never seem to be long enough.
Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common?
A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!
What does a man consider a seven course meal?
A hot dog and a six pack.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
There was an ad in the newspaper:
An agriculturist looks for a woman with a tractor.
The photo of the tractor is required.
One day Dan asks Bob, "So Bob what did you get for Christmas?"
Then Bob says to Dan, "Oh see that brand new red Ferrari outside?"
Dan says, "OOOOH WOW!
Bob says, "Ya, I got the same exact color tie!"
Man walks into a shop and sees a very handsome dog. He asks the shop assistant, "Does your dog bite?"
"No, my dog doesn't bite."
The man happily tries to pet the dog, but the dog attacks him viciously.
A little later he stumbles to the shop clerk, "Hey, you said your dog doesn't bite!"
The shop clerk shrugs, "He doesn't. But that wasn't my dog."
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Why do so many women fake orgasm?
Because so many men fake foreplay.
Adam goes to God and says, "I would like a mate to please me and make living joyful. She should be beautiful and perfect in every way.
God says, "I can do that, but it will cost you a testicle, a kidney, and one eye."
To which Adam replied, "Well, what can I get for a rib?"
"I can't wait for Father's Day" said no man ever.
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