This couple had been going out together for quite a while and was thinking about getting married.
They finally decided to spend a night in a motel to see if they were sexually compatible.
The next morning he dropped her off at her apartment and he said, "So long Lucy."
She said, "Goodbye, Shorty."
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A husband exclaims to his wife one day, "Your butt is getting really big. It's bigger than the BBQ grill!"
Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"
Wives want to videotape the birth of their child, while husbands want to videotape the conception.
A woman come to a doctor, with bumps and bruising all over her body.
The woman complains that it was her husband, who beat her.
Doctor tells in surprise: "I thought your husband was out of town."
"So did I..."
A ship goes out to sea and crashes.
6 people (1 woman and 5 men) survive and use a safety raft to float to this deserted island.
Well, after spending several weeks on the island, they all begin to get really lonely and sexually deprived.
So they come to this agreement.
All of the men will marry the one woman for a week.
So the first man has her for one week, the second man has her for the second week, and so on.
Everyone will now be getting sex and they all agree to it.
This goes on for five years and everyone is happy.
Each man gets sex every fifth week and the woman gets to have sex whenever she wants with a different man every week.
Well, a few weeks into the fifth year, the woman dies.
The first week is pretty bad, the second week is still pretty bad, the third week is getting worse, the fourth week things are just bad, real bad, and the fifth week is just awful.
It’s getting so very bad that on the sixth week they buried her.
Vote:
Peter sat at his dying wife's bedside.
Her voice was little more than a whisper.
"Pete, darling," she breathed, "I've a confession to make before I go. ... I ... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe.
I spent it on a fling with your best friend, Alex.
And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the city.
And I am the one who reported your income-tax evasion to the government. . . ."
"That's all right, sweetie, don't give it a second thought," answered Peter, "I'm the one who poisoned you."
Q: Why is it a bad idea for two butt cheeks to get married?
A: Because they part for every little shit.
Vote:
A man told his doctor he wasn't able to do all the things around the house like he used to.
When the examination was complete, he said "Now Doc, tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."
"Well in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."
"Okay," said the man.
"Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."
My wife has a contract to give lectures – it’s called a marriage licence.
"Hi Liz! How's the big love of yours, James?"
"It's over!"
"Over? Why, what happened?"
"We got married..."