He came into my room late at night.
He sat over my body, He sucked, swallowed and he left.
It was terrible.
It was a BLOODY MOSQUITO!
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Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her.
“I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.”
The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.”
The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.”
She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.
Q: "What is the difference between like and love?"
A: "Spit and swallow."
A man is driving happily along when he is pulled over by the police.
The copper approaches him and politely asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?"
"Why?" snorts the man.
"Is there a fat bird in my car?"
Are you a shark?
Cause I've got some swimmers for you to swallow.
Q: What do you get when you cross a elephant with a witch?
A: I don’t know but she will need a very large broom!
Listening to censored hip-hop is like going to a whore for a hug.
Q: What do you call a man who run a cross the road and roll in the dirt then run back across?
A: A double dirty crosser.
Got my wife a dildo and some shoes for her birthday.
If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself.
Mom was very upset when she found a bondage S&M magazine in her son's room.
She showed it to her husband when he got home.
He handed it back to her without a word.
She asked him, "Well, what do we do about this?"
"Well, whatever you do, don't spank him."
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