Joke #5227

He came into my room late at night. He sat over my body, He sucked, swallowed and he left. It was terrible. It was a BLOODY MOSQUITO!
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The pregnancy report of Santu’s wife came. Doctor said, "Oh, nothing to get excited, it was just the gas problem." Santu looks up at the sky towards the God and says, "Lord, What have you given me, a penis or an Air Pump."
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Q: Why are black peoples nostrils so big? A: Because that's what God held them by when he was painting them.
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A shepherd goes to a television programme. A man of the viewers stand up and asks him, "What was the best day of your life?" The shepherd answers, "Well...the best day of my life was when I lost my donkey in Cuccureddu's mountain, when I found it, i took it to the village's square and everyone fu**ed it." A second man of the viewers asks him, "And the second best day of your life?" And the shepherd, "Well...the second one was when in lost a sheep in Cuccureddu's mountain, when I found it, I took it to the village's square and everyone fu**ed it." So, after that, a third man of the viewers stand up and asks, "And the worse day of your life?." "The worse day of my life was when I got lost in Cuccureddu's mountain..."
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If you think your life is bad, how would you like to be an egg? You get laid once in life, you only get eatten once in life, It takes 4 min to get hard, but only 2 min. to get soft, you share your box with 11 other guys, but worst of all the only chick who ever sat on your face was your mother. Pass this to someone who needs a good lay, sorry I mean day.
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Q: What’s an orgasm, Mom? A: I don’t know… ask your father.
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A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00 He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. "Can I help you?" she asks. "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs. "I am." The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."
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The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her. “I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.” The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.” The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.” She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.
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A man walks into a bar and says loudly, "Bartender, six shots!" The bartender looks at him and says, "Wow six shots, whats the occasion?" The man replies , "First bl*wjob!" The bartender then pours him a seventh shot and says, "Congrats man, this ones on me." The man then says , "Man if six shots cant get the taste out of my mouth I don't know what will!"
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Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she’ll become a hooker. She’s not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I’ll be parked around the corner.” She’s standing there for 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, “How much?” She says, “A hundred dollars.” He says, “All I got is thirty”. She says, “Hold on,” and runs back to Harry and asks, “What can he get for thirty?” “A hand job”, Harry reply. She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollar is a hand job. He agrees. She gets in the car. He unzips his pants, and out pops this HUGE... She stares at it for a minute, and then says, “I’ll be right back.” She runs back to Harry, and asks, “Can you loan this guy seventy bucks?”
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I bought a racehorse today, I called him My Face. I don't care if he doesn't win, I just want to hear a load of posh twats shouting, "Come on My Face."
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