Joke #5754

A bloke asks his mate "do you ever talk to your wife during sex ?" His mate replies "yeah, if she calls."

Mr. Smith, the biology instructor at a Highschool, said during class, “Miss Jones, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions.” Miss Jones gasped, then said, “Mr. Smith, I do not think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this.” With that she sat down red-faced. Unperturbed, Mr. Smith called on Miss Brown and asked the same question. Miss Brown, replied, “The pupil of the eye, in dim light.” “Correct,” said Mr. Smith. “And now, Miss Jones, I have three things to say to you. One, you have not studied your lesson. Two, you have a dirty mind. And three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment."

"I shall call it squishy, and he will be mine. He will be my squishy." "Let go of my boob."

My girlfriend has incredible sexual skills. I almost had a heart attack when I saw the video!

A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"

Teacher: How we use the light? Pupil: To suck it? Teacher: Why do you say so? Pupil: Because every night, my mother says to my father, "Switch off the light, I wanna suck it!"

My girlfriends dad asked me what I do. Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.

Tow millipedes went for honey moon. The male one asked: "My darling, between which feet is your pussy, please?"

Man comes home to his wife and says to her: "With the new pair of glasses, you look like sh.t." "But I don't have a new pair of glasses..." she replies. "But, I do."

An old woman goes in to a sex shop, shaking. "Sir," she says in a shaky voice, "do you sell vibrators?" "Yes, ma'am." "And are they this big around and this long?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am." "And they're $22.95?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am." "How do you turn them off?"

I hope the children will never find out why I say "oops..." so often when I vacuum their rooms.